40 Reasons We'd Do it Again: Thoughts on Adoption
Some time back I wrote a column that listed the forty reasons I'm glad we got our kids the way we did ... forty reasons we'd do it all over again, if we could.
Having said that, adoption is not all roses and sunshine. Perhaps especially foster-adoption, where you get so attached to little lives that you may not have an opportunity to make a permanent part of your family. For a time, I even struggled with depression as I tried to make sense of the chaos around me ... and later discovered a name for it: PADS (Post-Adoptive Depression Syndrome).
What has been the greatest surprise for you -- and if you had to do it all over again, would you?
Having said that, adoption is not all roses and sunshine. Perhaps especially foster-adoption, where you get so attached to little lives that you may not have an opportunity to make a permanent part of your family. For a time, I even struggled with depression as I tried to make sense of the chaos around me ... and later discovered a name for it: PADS (Post-Adoptive Depression Syndrome).
What has been the greatest surprise for you -- and if you had to do it all over again, would you?
Tags: PADS, adoption, agencies, depression, foster, social, workers
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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by jOi-C on -
I don't think people (not just people going through the adoption process) realize that adoption is like a pregnancy, just in a whole different way.
You go through classes and certifications for homestudies - preparing your body for pregnancy, gotta be healthy =)
you get matched with a child - oh my we're pregnant!
you have hurdles to get over (social workers, legal stuff, etc) - labor pains stink!
you bring your child home/finalize - it's a boy (or girl)!
I never knew that we could go through PADS just like many women go through post-partum depression. That's one of the things we weren't prepared for when we brought home our first adoption. So the second time around, I was more aware and fortunately didn't have to go through it a second time.
If you ask me while I'm in the middle of my adoption struggles, I'm sure I may just say I'm ready to stop...but once I look past what's in front of me, I would do it all over again. It's worth every sweat and tear and I'm sure every adoptive parent would agree! =)
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Permalink Reply by Becky (Thomas) Johnson on -
The biggest surprise I've had in this process so far is how great everything has gone. You hear all the horror stories and you get built up for the worst case scenario. Our process has been long and frustrating but generally easy. We have had a good relationship with all of our case workers. Our daughter only had one previous placement and bonded easily. It has truly been a wonderful experience!
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Permalink Reply by Andrea Allen on -
I think the greatest surprise to me is how simple it all was...not the paperwork or the homestudy by a long shot, but rather the relationship we have developed with our birthfamilies and our daughter. There is nothing that would keep me from doing it all over again just to see those beautiful blue eyes every morning, so happy to see me.
Adoption was not at all what we expected, but has been so much more. I had no idea how excited we would become and how much we would want to share our story with others. I know our next adoption will be different and may come with it's own set of challenges. But, this is the way we were meant to grow our family and I just love it. Bring it on!!
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Permalink Reply by Amanda Williams on -
First off, let me introduce myself. I'm Amanda 19 years old and I am a birth parent as well as a parent of a son who is one. I was pregnant and placed when I was 17, a wonderful girl I nick named "Bunny" (she was born Easter Sunday 2007)
I placed her with the foster couple I decided to live with once I was pregnant.
The adoptive mother was very excited to find this out when i told her when I was 5months along around Christmas (I made a scrapbook to announce the adoption) but she didn't want to "count her chickens before they were hatched" because she has had many let downs before. She has strong faith it is because "Bunny" was supposed to come right then. If they had adopted before I lived with them, they wouldn't have had the time to foster and adopt again for a while. I asked the adoptive mom if she would do the wait and disappointment all over again just to wait for "bunny" and she said yes. Bunny was worth the wait.
2 months after I placed I met my now husband and we were married a year later (may 2008) and for a while I felt bad thinking if I had only known the future I probably wouldn't have placed her. Seeing "Bunny" now, (very open adoption) I don't regret anything. I know that she needed my help to find her parents. If I could go back, I would have done it all the same :)
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Permalink Reply by Elizabeth Burns on -
The process may be difficult and emotional, but when I held my daughter for the first time, it didn't matter. When the judge said she was officially ours, it no longer mattered. That is why I would do it again...it doesn't matter! The roller coaster that is adoption gave me a child! We would still just be yearning for a family if adoption hadn't changed our lives.
You hear the horror stories of pregnancy and labor, too...yet people still do it again! So here we go, adopting again! :)
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