Truthfully, if you look at all the adoption sights and read all the posts by adoptees looking for their birth families, it would give you a reason to second think your decision. Sure there are wonderful stories, but there are a lot of sad stories as well. I think children go through life feeling like they were tossed aside by their parents. If it is your decision to adopt, make sure it is an open adoption and that somehow you will let your child know that you loved them enough to get a better life for them. The not knowing of a reason seems to bother most people I have come across.
I feel exactly the same way. Yes, it was definately THE hardest thing ever. I feel though that it was a trial that was specifically designed for me. I have a good friend with cerebral palsey. She told me when I was going through the whole thing "I'm glad I'm not you". That blew me away, my first thought was I'm glad I'm not you too, but as I thought about it, I feel that God doesn't give us anything we can't handle. Also, the adoptive mother's mom passed away sometime before I met them, I Iearned that she had promised them a baby on her deathbed, we did the math, I got pregnant within 2 to 4 weeks after she said that. Also, I chose the parents before I had the baby, the adoptive mother has redish hair and blue eyes, so did the little girl I had. Mine are brown/brown and my ex's were brown/green. Those little things may be only coincedental, nevertheless, I do feel it was meant to be. I know there is opposition in all things. There are so many families out there that would never have the chance to be parents without the misfortune of others. It really is
turning your lemons (not the baby, but the circumstances) into lemonade.
Claudia, I am soooooo sooooo sorry to hear the sadness that your (misled) choice has brought you. I will pray for you that God will somehow bring peace to your heart & mind. Please look at your decision as it is, a beautiful gift! I know you are feeling much pain & loss & some bitterness, but you MUST know that you did a selfless & honorable thing that took so much courage & strength! You are a beautiful person & what you did provided a better life for the little one you gave up. I truly hope you know this in your heart & that the realization will someday bring you peace.
No, this is not how I felt. I believe my son was my son to take care of as best I could. I didn't feel I could provide him all I wanted for him at the time and so chose to place him with a couple who could provide him with all I wanted for him. I however was his mother and made a loving and very difficult decision to part with him. I grieved my entire pregnancy and the first yr of his life..nonstop. I have never regretted my decision but I never felt like I was just a vessel to get him to his parents. I did only consider infertile couples who didn't already have kids as I wanted to make someone's dreams to become parents come true. This however was not the reason I chose adoption, I just felt it an added bonus to be able to make someone else's dreams come true given I was making this decision anyways.
no I don't think I'm being harsh. I actually began my post stating that I may be mis-reading your post and then responded to to my interpretation of your questions and ummm actually you did use those exact words 4th sentence in the original post, "That I was just a shuttle (so to say) from God to her parents."
Wow, maybe I'm miss reading your post, but it sounds like you're content being viewed as a walking womb. I do not view myself as a mere "shuttle" to get my son to his family. My son is a happy healthy boy with a great family and a great life but that doesn't mean I was a only pawn in some grand scheme to get him to his parents. I am the first mother he ever had and to me that is so much more than being a walking womb. As his mother I took care of him for the 9 months I carried him. As his mother I struggled with my options and came a decision about what I thought would be best for him with the information I had at the time. As his mother I love him with all my heart. As his mother I would die for him. And yes as his mother I am glad that since I decided to sign those papers that my choice in parents for him turned out well. I am happy they love him and he loves them, but those positive feelings do not make me, "just a shuttle".