Can a 9 year old get adopted?
I have been thinking about putting my son up for adoption. He is 9 and the biggest issue I am having is that in PA they have only closed adoptions unless you find someone private. I am 100% set on having an open adoption so I can see him and know how he is doing. I dont know how to do this since everywhere I call says I need to go through someone private and then they tell me to go through a lawyer. Lawyer fees can fun well over $10,000. Is this possible or does anyone know who might be able to help me. Any information would be so helpful. thank you for your time.
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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Joyce vee dee on -
Is there an organisation called Beginnings in your area, there is in Canada and I know they do open adoptions, sorry i am not sure of your area
all the best
Joyce
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Permalink Reply by Ashley Ellsworth Bird on -
Yes, 9 year olds can absolutely be adopted! Check out the PA site http://www.adoptpakids.org/, there is a whole section on waiting children and I bet if you contacted their help line, they would have all sorts of details to help you. The best of luck!
-Ashley
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Permalink Reply by LINA on -
Those children that are listed at the Adoptpakids are in foster care and they are under state custody, during the time I've been reading and looking for information to adopt I never have heard about somebody having an adoption plan for a nine years old, not even a toddler maybe you should look for an independant adoption and the adoptive parents can paid your legal expenses as well..
Ashley Ellsworth Bird said:Yes, 9 year olds can absolutely be adopted! Check out the PA site http://www.adoptpakids.org/, there is a whole section on waiting children and I bet if you contacted their help line, they would have all sorts of details to help you. The best of luck!
-Ashley
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Permalink Reply by Adrienne on -
yes, I think that the adoptive family would pay your attorney's fees. They do in infant domestic adptions, I don't know why it would be different for an older child
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Permalink Reply by T D on -
I spoke with http://www.adoptpakids.org/ and they are the ones who said Pa does closed adoptions unless I go through a private agency. I have been trying and trying and the hardest thing is that people think that because I want to give him up for adoption then I must not love him. That why I want an open adotion, because I love him so much but I cant provide for him like I should be able to.
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Permalink Reply by Sherry A. Dittmar on
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I am actually looking to add a child of that age to my family. So, yes, there are lots of people that would adopt that age child. Open adoptions are a little bit trickier. I advocate for open adoptions and my adopted children have contact with their parents including visits. This is not always common however there ARE families out there willing to have contact that know the benefits of children knowing their first parents and entire first families when possible. I would suggest looking at CHASK. Chask.org is a private Christian organization that networks waiting families with available children of all ages. You can specify what type of family you want for your child and ask that only families wanting open adoptions contact you. They do wonderful work and you will not be presured. You can reach me for more information at calicochicken2000@yahoo.com if you need to. -Sherry
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Oh and yes, adoptive parents pay the attorney fee's. You can also do guardianship. This is temporary and can be undone at anytime in case you change your mind. Adoption is permanent and you would want to make sure you can handle time without him. You might want to think about making a permanent decision when your current issues, whatever they might be, could be temporary.
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Permalink Reply by T D on
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When I say open adoption I mean I want to be able to see him at times, maybe every other weekend and I want to know how he is doing. I want to attend school plays and games. I love him so much and this is hard. I am a single mom, his dad left when I was 3 months pregnant and we have not been able to find him. My son has ADHD and ODD but he is great now that he is on meds. We have not had any issues with him in a long time. Well besides normal 9 year old things. His councelor tried to do a budget with me but I was $300.00 short to be able to do a budget. I can barely afford food and I try to get help but everyone says I make too much since they go by my gross pay and dont look at rent and loans and car insurance. I cant put him in sports because I cant afford the uniforms and gas to and from the places. I tried to get a 2nd job but I cant since daycare will only keep him so ling and they keep him for my full time job. I dont have family so its not like someone can watch him. We have been through so much and I just cant do it anymore. I dont know where else to turn. He is a great kid and a sweetheart and always wants to help but I just cant do it. I had him when I was 20 and have been a single mom since. I just turned 30 and its horrible to say but I am under so much stress that I hate my life. Now a days a child needs a 2 parent household to survive and he needs a dad or dad figure and thats something i can not do for him. He says he wants brothers and sisters but I had my tubes tied since I almost lost him while pregnant. So i cant have anymore kids. He deserves better
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Lots of amazing people were raised in poor house holds and with single parents. Just cause you cannot afford sports does not mean you are not doing a wonderful job. I know life can be hard but in a few years he won't need a babysitter and you will be free to get a second job. I don't think adoption is the answer to your situation. He deserves a mom that loves him and can stand by him no matter what. It sure sounds like he has love with you. I also doubt you will find a family so close to you that will support that much contact. If you really wish to have him in another home with weekly visits your best bet is to put him in foster care. A local family or older couple that is looking to help a family may allow you to see him on weekends and you will certainly be able to have a visit at the office weekly. If you need a break to save some money or rest this may be an alternative to adoption for you. I will say prayers for you that you and your son get some type of relief and happiness. I'm also sending ((hugs))
T D said:When I say open adoption I mean I want to be able to see him at times, maybe every other weekend and I want to know how he is doing. I want to attend school plays and games. I love him so much and this is hard. I am a single mom, his dad left when I was 3 months pregnant and we have not been able to find him. My son has ADHD and ODD but he is great now that he is on meds. We have not had any issues with him in a long time. Well besides normal 9 year old things. His councelor tried to do a budget with me but I was $300.00 short to be able to do a budget. I can barely afford food and I try to get help but everyone says I make too much since they go by my gross pay and dont look at rent and loans and car insurance. I cant put him in sports because I cant afford the uniforms and gas to and from the places. I tried to get a 2nd job but I cant since daycare will only keep him so ling and they keep him for my full time job. I dont have family so its not like someone can watch him. We have been through so much and I just cant do it anymore. I dont know where else to turn. He is a great kid and a sweetheart and always wants to help but I just cant do it. I had him when I was 20 and have been a single mom since. I just turned 30 and its horrible to say but I am under so much stress that I hate my life. Now a days a child needs a 2 parent household to survive and he needs a dad or dad figure and thats something i can not do for him. He says he wants brothers and sisters but I had my tubes tied since I almost lost him while pregnant. So i cant have anymore kids. He deserves better
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Permalink Reply by T D on
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I emailed the site and asked for help with either adoption, guardianship or a foster home. Honestly the problem is he used to be violent but only towards me. But he has been put on the correct meds and he is a different child now. He is happy and helpful but after the years of abuse I detached myself from him. He was in a theraputic foster home for about 5 months and he is coming hom friday (tomorrow) just knowing he is coming home is so stressful. I cant stop crying. in that situation he came home every other weekend. They adopted an autistic child and have 3 of their own childen and I knew this was a few month program. I dont know what harder the fact that he is coming home or the fact that he is better now but i still dont want him home. He has not been viotent towards anyone else. We (the councelors and I) dont understand it especially since it started so early. They put him in the home hoping he would do it to someone but its only towards me. Again he has not been mean to me on any of the visits but I became numb around him. Just knowing he is coming home, my councelor had to put me on depression and anxity medicine. I cant even say he is coming home tomorrow without crying. I dont understand and others dont how I can love him but not want to be around him full time.
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Permalink Reply by Becky Wright on -
TD, my heart breaks for you AND your son! I am praying for you both, for only God knows the best outcome, and God CAN intervene miraculously in our lives and do things we never imagined. That is what I'm praying for you. You must be terribly overwhelmed, and see no hope. I am praying that relief--- and an answer--- will come very soon. With God's love, Becky Wright (mom of nine, including 2 by adoption from foster care)
T D said:I emailed the site and asked for help with either adoption, guardianship or a foster home. Honestly the problem is he used to be violent but only towards me. But he has been put on the correct meds and he is a different child now. He is happy and helpful but after the years of abuse I detached myself from him. He was in a theraputic foster home for about 5 months and he is coming hom friday (tomorrow) just knowing he is coming home is so stressful. I cant stop crying. in that situation he came home every other weekend. They adopted an autistic child and have 3 of their own childen and I knew this was a few month program. I dont know what harder the fact that he is coming home or the fact that he is better now but i still dont want him home. He has not been viotent towards anyone else. We (the councelors and I) dont understand it especially since it started so early. They put him in the home hoping he would do it to someone but its only towards me. Again he has not been mean to me on any of the visits but I became numb around him. Just knowing he is coming home, my councelor had to put me on depression and anxity medicine. I cant even say he is coming home tomorrow without crying. I dont understand and others dont how I can love him but not want to be around him full time.
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Permalink Reply by T D on
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Well he is home and he has been good and I am trying so hard to do the normal things a mom would do. I have always hoped it would come natural to me but it doesnt. I know how I act is exactly that, an act. I love him but after thinking a lot I realized maybe I am not meant to be a mom. I hope and wish that I can do an open adoption or guardianship or foster parents but I dont think it will happen. I have my fingers crossed and will do the best I can to take care of him. Like everyone finances are so tight. They said I am in the little percent where I am a low/middle class. Thats where my gross pay puts me in "middle class" but my net pay puts me in "low" class. That why I get no help. I cant get help with daycare or rent or food. A budget won't help since I am negative money so no one can put one together. All I can say is it can be worse and oh well.
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