"Find My Family" TV show
ABC’S "FIND MY FAMILY"…
What do you think about this TV show? I have mixed feelings and emotions about it. There is a lot of terminology they use that bothers me. This week on Dillon’s blog, I addressed the issue of POSITIVE vs. NEGATIVE ADOPTION LANGUAGE. Check it out and let me know what you think. www.dillonadopt.blogspot.com
Cherri W.
What do you think about this TV show? I have mixed feelings and emotions about it. There is a lot of terminology they use that bothers me. This week on Dillon’s blog, I addressed the issue of POSITIVE vs. NEGATIVE ADOPTION LANGUAGE. Check it out and let me know what you think. www.dillonadopt.blogspot.com
Cherri W.
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Peach on -
I think this show is way past due. I'm glad for the truthful language used (our first families ARE our family too) and for the fact it shows the importance of the adoptee's truth.
www.PeachNeitherHereNorThere.blogspot.com
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Permalink Reply by Deesmom on -
I'm not very happy with this tv show....yes it totally pulls at my heart strings and I've cried everytime I see a new story.....but I hate the title of the show....FIND MY FAMILY. I find it offensive to the adoptive family and dismissive to the adoptee...as if they aren't in a family already? The main focus in these types of shows is only on the relationship or non existence of a potential relationship with the adoptee and the biological family. While I understand the need for adoptees like myself to find out more info on our biological families and perhaps meet in person...it still hurts my heart that many people still believe that adoptees don't have a family until they've actually found or met their biological family. I come from several different aspects of the adoption triad...I'm adopted and have adopted.
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Permalink Reply by Kim M. Quintal on -
I hate the title. It assumes the person has not had a family till they "find" their blood relatives. ;(
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Permalink Reply by Huang Mei-Ling on
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"I find it offensive to the adoptive family and dismissive to the adoptee...as if they aren't in a family already? "
I could say the same thing about when I see certain prospective parents saying "We just want to have a family."
As if there is no "existing" family that the adopted child came from.
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Permalink Reply by Huang Mei-Ling on
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P.S. The terminology war about positive vs. negative language is just really, really old. People should just use what they like to use. >.>
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Permalink Reply by Max2000 on
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The title implies only what YOU chose it to mean. The people involved on the show are the ones who are making the statements of "my mother, my father, my this,my that". I think the focus needs to be on the stories they are relaying, not the language. I don't think these people had time to sit around & be PC. The stories they are telling are coming from their hearts. To criticize them for that really is petty. They will learn soon enough that there are certain things you say & you don't say in regards to the "adoption triad".
I don't see where the tv show in & over it's self is CLAIMING anything. If you listen to the language that the "serchee's" ( I've been told adoptee is offensive as one is no longer adopted but rather, WAS adopted at one point)use, the show's hosts are simply repeating those same words. Can you imagine how well this how would go over with the host correcting the guests' language as they went along? Editing their stories in post production would seem as though we were being lied to as well. It's kind of a catch 22 I think. But, yes there were moments, when I winched..but I got over it..the story being portrayed is what matters to me.
I also don't believe they(the searchee's) are PURPOSELY excluding anyone. They are simply wanting to expand their family further..by INCLUDING their (insert your prefered term here, but I use birth) family into the family that they already have. I don't know if that can be done though. That is my only question. It seems from the stories I have see thus far, most (minus 1)of the adoptive families had already told their children from day one that they were adopted. So for me I sense an atmosphere that has the potential to be positive & inclusive. Which leads me to a side note..
My husband was adopted & his biological family(his words) seems to be hiding something & he doesn't know how to approach it. We have tried to include them in our lives along with his adoptive family & it just hasn't worked. Do we need to just keep them separate? I don't know what to tell him. Any suggestions?
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Permalink Reply by sloane finnegan on -
I dont like it. But then again, any families that are highlighted in reality TV makes me wonder. Jon and Kate comes to mind.
they exploit people, and for that reason, and that reason alone I find the whole thing offensive on so many levels.
as for the title, I dont care for it, but i understand why they picked it.
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Permalink Reply by Von on -
I find it appalling and won't watch it.Why make something so private so public?As if reunion isn't hard enough already.People are always asking me if I saw it, my reply is that my life is enough to deal with.
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Permalink Reply by Jeff Gonyea on
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I think the idea of the show is wonderful. It's nice to have "reality" shows that actually helped someone in need of help. Is it directed or scripted perfectly? No. Is the host ideal? Maybe not. Is there room for improvement? Yes. But I want to tell all the selfish people out there that ALREADY have families, yet criticize the show for one petty reason or another, that they are out of line.
There are those who DON'T have a family - perhaps even their adopted family has died. Many have never had a Christmas or Thanksgiving or Easter or other holiday with a brother, sisters, uncles and aunts or parents. That's not to say that an adopted person doesn't love their adopted family, but to them that feeling of "something missing" in their lives doesn't go away. In fact, it often intensifies with age when they begin to realize that the older they get, the chances of finding a living blood relation diminishes.
An adopted person wanting to be on the show is there VOLUNTARILY - no one twisted their arm; they had to apply to be on the show. It is SO difficult for an adopted person to find their natural born family on their own, that many are glad to publicly show their pain, or to share their family's private business on TV, if it means reaching their intended goal - to find their family.
Most States still do not have opened-adoption records, accessible to the adopted. Professional family-finding services often charge a fortune. A person can petition the court to have adoption records opened - but if they don't have a really good reason to do it (serious genetic health issue, for example), the Judge will often disallow the petition in order to protect the privacy of the birth family.
Many are critical of this TV show just need to change the channel, but try to understand that there are those whom the show might help or give hope to. We need to stop being so critical of everything and everyone and try to walk in another person's shoes - imagine how they feel or what they might have gone through.
I don't know if the show is coming back on the air or has been canceled, but I hope it will be back. Some television networks have no problem putting extreme violence, adult subject matter or vulgar language, etc, on TV during prime time. They have a right to, and the viewers have a right to watch it if they want to. I'm pleased there is so much to choose from. The problem is that many TV viewers have become so desensitized to all the junk on TV, that when a decent show like Find My Family, with wholesome subject matter airs, they reject it outright. After all, where's the action, the sex, the violence, the special effects? Where are the actors who should be doing each other in, stabbing one another in the back? There are still those of us who remember what good TV is. It's refreshing to have a program that shows the goodness in people, the forgiveness. Emotions that make one cry or sympathize or think about the needs of others are not obsolete and should be embraced, not pushed aside.
Stepping down from my soap box, I must add that I never fully understood the issues concerning one who has been adopted - until I made an adoptee my special someone. Please try to support "Find My Family" and those who desperately want to keep it on the air.
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Permalink Reply by Von on
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While I totally agree with you about us adoptees needing to know who we are, this show seems a bizarre way to go about it.Why not campaign for open records and let everyone benefit from the work? While it may give the general public a better idea of some of the issues it does not give any idea of the many who grieve, are disappointed and never find who they are.It gives a false impression of the issues facing adoptees, of the difficulties in not being able to access records for all.A tiny few get on to that show, many thousands are out there who will never have that opportunity and who suffer.
Jeff Gonyea said:I think the idea of the show is wonderful. It's nice to have "reality" shows that actually helped someone in need of help. Is it directed or scripted perfectly? No. Is the host ideal? Maybe not. Is there room for improvement? Yes. But I want to tell all the selfish people out there that ALREADY have families, yet criticize the show for one petty reason or another, that they are out of line.
There are those who DON'T have a family - perhaps even their adopted family has died. Many have never had a Christmas or Thanksgiving or Easter or other holiday with a brother, sisters, uncles and aunts or parents. That's not to say that an adopted person doesn't love their adopted family, but to them that feeling of "something missing" in their lives doesn't go away. In fact, it often intensifies with age when they begin to realize that the older they get, the chances of finding a living blood relation diminishes.
An adopted person wanting to be on the show is there VOLUNTARILY - no one twisted their arm; they had to apply to be on the show. It is SO difficult for an adopted person to find their natural born family on their own, that many are glad to publicly show their pain, or to share their family's private business on TV, if it means reaching their intended goal - to find their family.
Most States still do not have opened-adoption records, accessible to the adopted. Professional family-finding services often charge a fortune. A person can petition the court to have adoption records opened - but if they don't have a really good reason to do it (serious genetic health issue, for example), the Judge will often disallow the petition in order to protect the privacy of the birth family.
Many are critical of this TV show just need to change the channel, but try to understand that there are those whom the show might help or give hope to. We need to stop being so critical of everything and everyone and try to walk in another person's shoes - imagine how they feel or what they might have gone through.
I don't know if the show is coming back on the air or has been canceled, but I hope it will be back. Some television networks have no problem putting extreme violence, adult subject matter or vulgar language, etc, on TV during prime time. They have a right to, and the viewers have a right to watch it if they want to. I'm pleased there is so much to choose from. The problem is that many TV viewers have become so desensitized to all the junk on TV, that when a decent show like Find My Family, with wholesome subject matter airs, they reject it outright. After all, where's the action, the sex, the violence, the special effects? Where are the actors who should be doing each other in, stabbing one another in the back? There are still those of us who remember what good TV is. It's refreshing to have a program that shows the goodness in people, the forgiveness. Emotions that make one cry or sympathize or think about the needs of others are not obsolete and should be embraced, not pushed aside.
Stepping down from my soap box, I must add that I never fully understood the issues concerning one who has been adopted - until I made an adoptee my special someone. Please try to support "Find My Family" and those who desperately want to keep it on the air.
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Permalink Reply by Annie Yarnell on -
I have never seen the t.v. show, so, I couldn't give a positive or negative opinion on the matter. Sure, the title is less than flattering, given the fact that I already know my family (couldn't have picked a better one myself, so I'm thankful that they picked me), but the idea of putting it on public television could be seen as both "making a circus" out of a private matter, or, a necessary measure. In my case, it would be a necessary measure.
I actually stumbled onto this post while doing a google search for the show's website, and a way to contact the creators and get on there myself. My reasons for finding my biological parents are far more pressing than "I just want to know who they are", and I've exhausted many, if not most private means of getting in touch with them. Because they have moved out of the country, we are at a brick wall, and still desperate for family medical history. If putting them on the spotlight will help get the information I need, then, I will do it. After all I have been through to find them, (even if this does make me sound like a horrible person) I have stopped worrying about their privacy and pride, and will do what is needed to obtain this simple bit of information.
I understand and respect all of your opinions regarding the show and whether or not it's appropriate or even morally justified. Please, though, keep your mind open when you watch shows like these, or, hear similar stories. You never know a persons true reason behind doing the things that they do. You only get one hour (or less) to hear a story that took a lifetime to be written!
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Permalink Reply by Von on
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Annie fully understand your desperation, no-one should have to go to those lengths to find out medical information and who they are, presumably the results of legislation where you live.You have every right to know.Good luck.
Annie Yarnell said:I have never seen the t.v. show, so, I couldn't give a positive or negative opinion on the matter. Sure, the title is less than flattering, given the fact that I already know my family (couldn't have picked a better one myself, so I'm thankful that they picked me), but the idea of putting it on public television could be seen as both "making a circus" out of a private matter, or, a necessary measure. In my case, it would be a necessary measure.
I actually stumbled onto this post while doing a google search for the show's website, and a way to contact the creators and get on there myself. My reasons for finding my biological parents are far more pressing than "I just want to know who they are", and I've exhausted many, if not most private means of getting in touch with them. Because they have moved out of the country, we are at a brick wall, and still desperate for family medical history. If putting them on the spotlight will help get the information I need, then, I will do it. After all I have been through to find them, (even if this does make me sound like a horrible person) I have stopped worrying about their privacy and pride, and will do what is needed to obtain this simple bit of information.
I understand and respect all of your opinions regarding the show and whether or not it's appropriate or even morally justified. Please, though, keep your mind open when you watch shows like these, or, hear similar stories. You never know a persons true reason behind doing the things that they do. You only get one hour (or less) to hear a story that took a lifetime to be written!
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