Im 14 years old and me an my twin brother were adopted when we were babies, I have known for a long time now, but I still feel hurt and unwanted. We have a box that our birthfamily gave to my mum and dad, it has little items, some pictures and letters. Sometimes when my parents are out I look in the box and read the letters, they are really sad, they say how they all love us but we had to be adopted. My birth mum was 19 and living at home, and not with our birthdad anymore. All of the letters are from our birthfamily, but not one was from our birthmum. I know my mum and dad feel sad when i talk to them about it, so i dont. I dont know what to feel. Sad, but happy because we have a loving adopted family now.
I dont know what to think,
How can I cope?
...... And Jan.....Adoption for you or other birth mothers may have been something you didn't want...but you made the choice.....if you have regret, that is something you have to deal with....and not make an adoptee feel guilty for your decisions because that's what it feels like.....and to say that some adoptions shouldn't have happened.....I could say the same thing about a biological family raising their child.....they shouldn't. Facts prove that all the time.
i was adopted from birth through a closed adoption. my parents always talked about me being adopted and i too sometimes felt a little lost. its such an awkward position to be in. but when i look at them , they are my family. ive talked to my birthmother once almost a year ago and there was no click (this doesnt always happen). she had a daughter before me and a daughter after. it seems like you know that times were hard for you mother, and mine had a hard time as well. me and my birthsisters get along very well (i was an only child in my adoptive family so it was really weird) but it made me realize even more my family that raised me is wonderful. that i was adopted and i have blood family out there but i have been able to make my own. through my adoptive parents and our family and their friends. its sad to think "what would it have been like..." but at the same time theres a chance the present could have been missed.
im pregnant now and adopting this child out to a wonderful family that cant have children of their own. this will be their first child. and from that aspect i can say, maybe writing a letter was too hard for her. i struggle every day. i know me and my significant other are doing the best thing and were blessing a family with this little lovebug but i feel horrible. i am the mother of this child, im carrying him, but i cant take care of him. ive started drafts of letters to him for when hes older, but i stumble over it. its like my heart is so full that its cutting off my brain haha. but i hope that this baby can feel what i felt when i grew up plus my boyfriend and i's unconditional love (were doing an open adoption)
i dont know if this has helped you out at all, my brain is all over. but hopefully you dont feel too alone. and maybe my story has helped you some. and feel free to add me or email me or whatever.