A tough question, no? And one I get asked with surprising frequency. I've done my best to try to answer the question - honestly and accurately - and I'm wondering what your thoughts are on this difficult subject. Thanks! Mary
I have been asked this as well. We adopted a son from Russia that was FAS at the same time we adopted our daughter that has RAD, bipolar, ADHD, OCD, ODD and FAE.
Our son was severe FAS but we had no idea, he was only two. We have now disrupted that adoption and while I feel guilt I would do the same again. We have been asked if we would do it all over, meaning adopt him, the answer is no. In fact, honestly, we probably wouldn't have adopted either of them. Both turned out homicidal, very low functioning, not very bright, and with major behavior problems.
To this day I try an talk (beg) people out of adopting from Eastern Europe. I think until you either foster or adopt many children you really think that you can make them ok, and that with love, education, etc they will be "normal". Not true. I know many of their problems were years in the Orphanage but even when adopted at birth, genetics will rule :(
I'm so sorry for your suffering. I can't imagine the backlash and second-guessing with which you have to deal. Honestly, before we adopted our son, I would have had a hard time understanding a decision like yours. I understand now though. Luckily we aren't there with our son - and hopefully never will be - but I'm sure you made the best decision you could for your family under circumstances truly no one other than you and yours could ever understand or appreciate. I hope you have found some peace - best, Mary