RAD, ADHD, PTSD, CD, ASD...
Does anyone have experience with these? The oldest child that we adopted is a handful and a half. Scares the heck out of me to think what he will be like when he is a teenager. We knew going in to this that there would be a few issues but...wow.
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Permalink Reply by Barbara Giordano on -
We adopted our daughter from China when she was 10.5 months old. She's now 11 years old. We were having behavior issues that started last year. She was doing things without care or thought about how me and my DH would think about her negative behavior. We decided to take our daughter to a therapist and it was determined that she has some symptoms of RAD.
When we adopted our DD, it was in the back of our mind that we would be faced with the possibility of therapy for her. There were things that were evident from the start. One of the first things we noticed when we received her as an infant was that she wouldn't look at us when we fed her. It raised a flag in my mind and I knew I would need to watch her closely. It comes as no surprise to me and my DH that our DD has deep seated emotional issues that need to be addressed.
I think if there are behavior concerns that it's important to have it evaluated by a professional. I don't think it should be dismissed as a phase - not for children who have been abandoned and instiutionalized. Children who have been traumatized and not having their basic needs met for comfort, made to feel secure may very well have emotional problems somewhere done the line. I'm not a professional but I've done some reading on the subject. The therapy is helping her look at her losses. It's helping her learn to have a different perspective on being abandoned. I see a benefit although it's gradual and we must be patient. I do believe things would have gotten worse if we had a wait and see attitude. Our DD was showing us with her behavior that she needed something more than what my DH and I were able to give to her. And, that's the assistance of therapy.
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Permalink Reply by Two to Me on -
Yes. I worked in foster care for several years and worked with kids with all ranges of diagnoses. What information are you looking for, specifically?
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Permalink Reply by miki esplin on -
yes. what do u need to know?
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Permalink Reply by Lisa K. Santee on -
I guess what I am wondering is if there is any hope for him (and us ) to have a normal life. He is in therapy, the family is in therapy and nothing seems to be helping. He simply does not care when he does something wrong. He has no concept of actions and consequences, and if he wants it he takes it. It is all so very frustrating. He has been in therapy for quite awhile now. GGGRRR
Two to Me said:Yes. I worked in foster care for several years and worked with kids with all ranges of diagnoses. What information are you looking for, specifically?
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Permalink Reply by Two to Me on
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With the right therapist, who is good at working with children with attachment disorders, and with the right family, who is committed for a lifetime, through all the difficulties, then yes, most children can recover to lead a normal life. I've heard that the rule of thumb is that the child needs to have a structured, consistent, loving family that will stick with him/her through all the "bad" stuff (i.e. acting out) for twice the amount of time that the child lived in the environment that contributed to the problems. (I don't know that I believe that for all children or in all cases, but that's the rule of thumb that I've heard). Children with severe attachment disorders are going to act out until they know, and can see, 100%, that you're not going to give up on them and send them away. Until that time, they will push and push and push to try to reject you before you reject them. Telling them is not enough, even when you're sincere.
Children with true ADHD can also have difficulty processing and understanding cause and effect. It takes more repetition and alternative ways of working with the child to figure out how cause and effect can make sense to the child.
Also, when you say "ASD", what are you referring to? I'm guessing Autism Spectrum Disorder? (I may be very wrong). If so, you have a whole other set of developmental differences to deal with, as kids on the autism spectrum also process and understand differently.
A good therapist should help you work through these things with your child and come up with ways to understand and get your child to understand.
You said "the family is in therapy". Does that mean that he's in family therapy with his birth family? Or that you and your family are in therapy with him?
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Permalink Reply by Lisa K. Santee on
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our family is in therapy. There is no contact with the birth family. He has stated several times that he is going to go live with Amy (bio mom) when he is 18.Yes, ASD, autism spectrum disorder. Higher functioning though. Also sensory integration disorder, conduct disorder and adjustment disorder. A little sparkle of hope is a good thing...thanks =)
Two to Me said:With the right therapist, who is good at working with children with attachment disorders, and with the right family, who is committed for a lifetime, through all the difficulties, then yes, most children can recover to lead a normal life. I've heard that the rule of thumb is that the child needs to have a structured, consistent, loving family that will stick with him/her through all the "bad" stuff (i.e. acting out) for twice the amount of time that the child lived in the environment that contributed to the problems. (I don't know that I believe that for all children or in all cases, but that's the rule of thumb that I've heard). Children with severe attachment disorders are going to act out until they know, and can see, 100%, that you're not going to give up on them and send them away. Until that time, they will push and push and push to try to reject you before you reject them. Telling them is not enough, even when you're sincere.
Children with true ADHD can also have difficulty processing and understanding cause and effect. It takes more repetition and alternative ways of working with the child to figure out how cause and effect can make sense to the child.
Also, when you say "ASD", what are you referring to? I'm guessing Autism Spectrum Disorder? (I may be very wrong). If so, you have a whole other set of developmental differences to deal with, as kids on the autism spectrum also process and understand differently.
A good therapist should help you work through these things with your child and come up with ways to understand and get your child to understand.
You said "the family is in therapy". Does that mean that he's in family therapy with his birth family? Or that you and your family are in therapy with him?
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Permalink Reply by Two to Me on
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Wow, Lisa, you have taken a lot on. Kudos to you for being willing to do your best to help this child! How old is he, may I ask?
It sounds like he really needs to work through his fantasy that he's going to live with bio mom before he can start to attach, or try to attach, to you. Have your therapist help you with ways to make this happen. Until he's over that fantasy, you can't start the real bonding with him.
Lisa K. Santee said:our family is in therapy. There is no contact with the birth family. He has stated several times that he is going to go live with Amy (bio mom) when he is 18.Yes, ASD, autism spectrum disorder. Higher functioning though. Also sensory integration disorder, conduct disorder and adjustment disorder. A little sparkle of hope is a good thing...thanks =)
Two to Me said:
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Permalink Reply by Gina Lafler on -
We're trying to figure out what the future of our 5 yr old who is showing signs of OCD and Bipolar holds for him and our family. The behaviors definately effect the entire family structure.
G
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Permalink Reply by Barbara Giordano on
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It is my understanding that age 5 is a difficult time to concretely diagnosed a child with OCD or bipolary disorders. Perhaps your child is on the spectrum? My son was diagnosed with PDD-NOS - Pervasisive Developmental Disorder at age 3 and now at age 7, we concur with the developmental pediatrician that he also has ADHD - Attention Deficity Hyperactivity Disorder. My son is also OD - Oppositional Defiant.
It is and has been clear to me and my DH that our son is on the spectrum. Have you looked at early intervention for your child? We've been getting special services for our son since he's a toddler. Once you get early intervention services in place, you can seek out resources.
Gina Lafler said:We're trying to figure out what the future of our 5 yr old who is showing signs of OCD and Bipolar holds for him and our family. The behaviors definately effect the entire family structure.
G
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Permalink Reply by Barbara Giordano on
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I agree that structure and limit setting are very important. I also think natural consequences should accompany the negative behavior. It's tough love all around and it can be exhausting work.
Children with RAD need to be reminded often that they are loved. They also need to be told often that the separation from their biological mother/father was not their fault.
If you feel the therapy isn't working, perhaps a new therapist is in order. These behavorial disorders, particurly RAD, Autism, and Spectrum Disorders are still relatively new to the field of psychology. The availability of well trained therapists in this area hasn't caught up with the growth of the disorders, IMO. It has been my experience, that many therapists in this area, at the top of their class, often do not take insurance which can make it extra challengening for parents to get the help they need. We need to first lay out the consultation fee and then get reimbursed from the insurance company.
Do you take your child to a therapist trained in these disorders? Also, you didn't say how old your child is and whether or not the adoption was domestic or international. Jane Brown, MSW is a well known therapist who focuses is on international adoption. I did a quick search and found a link: Jane Brown She is known for her playgroups. I think seeking out a therapist with similar credentials might be something for you to consider.
Lisa K. Santee said:our family is in therapy. There is no contact with the birth family. He has stated several times that he is going to go live with Amy (bio mom) when he is 18.Yes, ASD, autism spectrum disorder. Higher functioning though. Also sensory integration disorder, conduct disorder and adjustment disorder. A little sparkle of hope is a good thing...thanks =)
Two to Me said:With the right therapist, who is good at working with children with attachment disorders, and with the right family, who is committed for a lifetime, through all the difficulties, then yes, most children can recover to lead a normal life. I've heard that the rule of thumb is that the child needs to have a structured, consistent, loving family that will stick with him/her through all the "bad" stuff (i.e. acting out) for twice the amount of time that the child lived in the environment that contributed to the problems. (I don't know that I believe that for all children or in all cases, but that's the rule of thumb that I've heard). Children with severe attachment disorders are going to act out until they know, and can see, 100%, that you're not going to give up on them and send them away. Until that time, they will push and push and push to try to reject you before you reject them. Telling them is not enough, even when you're sincere.
Children with true ADHD can also have difficulty processing and understanding cause and effect. It takes more repetition and alternative ways of working with the child to figure out how cause and effect can make sense to the child.
Also, when you say "ASD", what are you referring to? I'm guessing Autism Spectrum Disorder? (I may be very wrong). If so, you have a whole other set of developmental differences to deal with, as kids on the autism spectrum also process and understand differently.
A good therapist should help you work through these things with your child and come up with ways to understand and get your child to understand.
You said "the family is in therapy". Does that mean that he's in family therapy with his birth family? Or that you and your family are in therapy with him?
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Permalink Reply by miki esplin on
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RAD and OD are tough!
You need a spcialist.
I know of a couple PURVIS from TC who travel all over to do interventions and also have books.
You may Google them and I think even Amazon will have their books,mayb they can refer you to someone.
I agree with love and logic but i feel you are at a point where you tried a lot and it may be time for a specialist
,you can't burn yourself out!
If you cant find Karen Purvis let me know.
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Permalink Reply by Barbara Giordano on
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Yes. RAD and OD is extremely challenging for parents. RAD can't be "cured". Once the damage is done the best we can hope for is our children to learn coping skills.
I can't imagine what it was like for my DD to be abandoned, crying and screaming for her birthmother who couldn't answer and console her. After that, she was placed in a Welfare Home where the babies out numbered the nannies and so again, her cries and screaming probably went unanswered. These are traumatic to the infant who needs their basic requirements met to feel secure. Consequently, they fail to attach and therefore develop the disorder.
My DD has trust issues that go very deep. It doesn't matter that from the day we received her, we met each and every need. Never disappointed, never left her hungry, hoping or wondering. The damage was already done when she was just months old.
I think if anyone suspects their child of having RAD, they need to get help without delay. When my DD started acting out, I knew I didn't have a moment to waste. We have to work extra hard to keep her on a straight and narrow path. Thankfully, she's an excellent student and loves school. That, I believe, is her saving grace. We just have to keep her on the track with the help of therapy. It's also another reason why we live in the boondocks. Getting into trouble outside of our home is exra challenging for our kids. They just can't get anywhere on their own. They need me or my DH to drive them to friends, etc.
miki esplin said:RAD and OD are tough!
You need a spcialist.
I know of a couple PURVIS from TC who travel all over to do interventions and also have books.
You may Google them and I think even Amazon will have their books,mayb they can refer you to someone.
I agree with love and logic but i feel you are at a point where you tried a lot and it may be time for a specialist
,you can't burn yourself out!
If you cant find Karen Purvis let me know.
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