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Does anyone have experience with these? The oldest child that we adopted is a handful and a half. Scares the heck out of me to think what he will be like when he is a teenager. We knew going in to this that there would be a few issues but...wow.

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Man that must be hard. I salute you girl!
How did it work with bonding?
RAD seems to me like the most confusing and exhausting disorder.
Are they yon meds?


Barbara Giordano said:
Yes. RAD and OD is extremely challenging for parents. RAD can't be "cured". Once the damage is done the best we can hope for is our children to learn coping skills.

I can't imagine what it was like for my DD to be abandoned, crying and screaming for her birthmother who couldn't answer and console her. After that, she was placed in a Welfare Home where the babies out numbered the nannies and so again, her cries and screaming probably went unanswered. These are traumatic to the infant who needs their basic requirements met to feel secure. Consequently, they fail to attach and therefore develop the disorder.

My DD has trust issues that go very deep. It doesn't matter that from the day we received her, we met each and every need. Never disappointed, never left her hungry, hoping or wondering. The damage was already done when she was just months old.

I think if anyone suspects their child of having RAD, they need to get help without delay. When my DD started acting out, I knew I didn't have a moment to waste. We have to work extra hard to keep her on a straight and narrow path. Thankfully, she's an excellent student and loves school. That, I believe, is her saving grace. We just have to keep her on the track with the help of therapy. It's also another reason why we live in the boondocks. Getting into trouble outside of our home is exra challenging for our kids. They just can't get anywhere on their own. They need me or my DH to drive them to friends, etc.


miki esplin said:
RAD and OD are tough!
You need a spcialist.
I know of a couple PURVIS from TC who travel all over to do interventions and also have books.
You may Google them and I think even Amazon will have their books,mayb they can refer you to someone.
I agree with love and logic but i feel you are at a point where you tried a lot and it may be time for a specialist
,you can't burn yourself out!
If you cant find Karen Purvis let me know.
Well, it always seemed to me that affection was/is always on my DD's terms. When my daughter started acting out last year, I knew I needed to get some help. I didn't want to wait until things got worse especially so b/c I had my suspicions all along. My DD is on meds for anxiety and it's helping her quite a bit. Again, there's no "cure" for RAD. It's a very long road to learn to trust and then there may always be "shadows" lurking in my DD's mind. The way I see it, It's in line with post traumatic stress disorder.

One thing that bothers me is when I read that there are some who believe that''s ok to let an infant cry. That if you pick up your infant when they're crying, they'll get spoiled and you'll never be able to put them down. This is simply not true. A baby's way to communicate is through crying. They need to be held and consoled. We need to be sure all of their basic life needs are met for affection, warmth, food, thrist, cleanliness, protection, etc., during the critical stages in their development. Without these basic needs, children may fail to bond and develope irreversible RAD.

miki esplin said:
Man that must be hard. I salute you girl!
How did it work with bonding?
RAD seems to me like the most confusing and exhausting disorder.
Are they yon meds?


Barbara Giordano said:
Yes. RAD and OD is extremely challenging for parents. RAD can't be "cured". Once the damage is done the best we can hope for is our children to learn coping skills.

I can't imagine what it was like for my DD to be abandoned, crying and screaming for her birthmother who couldn't answer and console her. After that, she was placed in a Welfare Home where the babies out numbered the nannies and so again, her cries and screaming probably went unanswered. These are traumatic to the infant who needs their basic requirements met to feel secure. Consequently, they fail to attach and therefore develop the disorder.

My DD has trust issues that go very deep. It doesn't matter that from the day we received her, we met each and every need. Never disappointed, never left her hungry, hoping or wondering. The damage was already done when she was just months old.

I think if anyone suspects their child of having RAD, they need to get help without delay. When my DD started acting out, I knew I didn't have a moment to waste. We have to work extra hard to keep her on a straight and narrow path. Thankfully, she's an excellent student and loves school. That, I believe, is her saving grace. We just have to keep her on the track with the help of therapy. It's also another reason why we live in the boondocks. Getting into trouble outside of our home is exra challenging for our kids. They just can't get anywhere on their own. They need me or my DH to drive them to friends, etc.


miki esplin said:
RAD and OD are tough!
You need a spcialist.
I know of a couple PURVIS from TC who travel all over to do interventions and also have books.
You may Google them and I think even Amazon will have their books,mayb they can refer you to someone.
I agree with love and logic but i feel you are at a point where you tried a lot and it may be time for a specialist
,you can't burn yourself out!
If you cant find Karen Purvis let me know.
Made me think of a few weeks ago, my next door neighbor had family over and someone brought a dog. Well, I guess they left the dog in the house while they went out somewhere. The poor dog just kept howling and crying for hours. I kept trying to block out the sound because it was about to make me cry. I kept thinking that poor dog is so dependent and attached to it's owner but it hasn't been taught how to self-comfort when she's gone, kind of like me. I guess (and what therapist are slowly getting me to understand) is that as a baby I got overwhelmed by my needs and feelings because they weren't being met by the people taking care of me at the orphanage and because as I was 'bounced' from one person to another (birthmom-orphanage nurses-nun-adoptive parents) I wasn't sure who that care was going to come from or if would be someone new. So to deal with it I shut down. I get scared to cry because I'm not sure it will end, I get scared to be angry sometimes because I'm not sure what I'll do, getting angry though usually feels safer than crying (some of that might not be related though) though. I block out my basic needs, sometimes people have to ask me if I've eaten etc. I wouldn't be surprised if some of my 'moody' moments come because I need something and don't realize it, didn't think of that till now :) guess I'll have to try to tune in a little more and see.
I definitely have complex-ptsd but not all the symptoms of RAD.

Barbara Giordano said:
Well, it always seemed to me that affection was/is always on my DD's terms. When my daughter started acting out last year, I knew I needed to get some help. I didn't want to wait until things got worse especially so b/c I had my suspicions all along. My DD is on meds for anxiety and it's helping her quite a bit. Again, there's no "cure" for RAD. It's a very long road to learn to trust and then there may always be "shadows" lurking in my DD's mind. The way I see it, It's in line with post traumatic stress disorder.

One thing that bothers me is when I read that there are some who believe that''s ok to let an infant cry. That if you pick up your infant when they're crying, they'll get spoiled and you'll never be able to put them down. This is simply not true. A baby's way to communicate is through crying. They need to be held and consoled. We need to be sure all of their basic life needs are met for affection, warmth, food, thrist, cleanliness, protection, etc., during the critical stages in their development. Without these basic needs, children may fail to bond and develope irreversible RAD.

miki esplin said:
Man that must be hard. I salute you girl!
How did it work with bonding?
RAD seems to me like the most confusing and exhausting disorder.
Are they yon meds?


Barbara Giordano said:
Yes. RAD and OD is extremely challenging for parents. RAD can't be "cured". Once the damage is done the best we can hope for is our children to learn coping skills.

I can't imagine what it was like for my DD to be abandoned, crying and screaming for her birthmother who couldn't answer and console her. After that, she was placed in a Welfare Home where the babies out numbered the nannies and so again, her cries and screaming probably went unanswered. These are traumatic to the infant who needs their basic requirements met to feel secure. Consequently, they fail to attach and therefore develop the disorder.

My DD has trust issues that go very deep. It doesn't matter that from the day we received her, we met each and every need. Never disappointed, never left her hungry, hoping or wondering. The damage was already done when she was just months old.

I think if anyone suspects their child of having RAD, they need to get help without delay. When my DD started acting out, I knew I didn't have a moment to waste. We have to work extra hard to keep her on a straight and narrow path. Thankfully, she's an excellent student and loves school. That, I believe, is her saving grace. We just have to keep her on the track with the help of therapy. It's also another reason why we live in the boondocks. Getting into trouble outside of our home is exra challenging for our kids. They just can't get anywhere on their own. They need me or my DH to drive them to friends, etc.


miki esplin said:
RAD and OD are tough!
You need a spcialist.
I know of a couple PURVIS from TC who travel all over to do interventions and also have books.
You may Google them and I think even Amazon will have their books,mayb they can refer you to someone.
I agree with love and logic but i feel you are at a point where you tried a lot and it may be time for a specialist
,you can't burn yourself out!
If you cant find Karen Purvis let me know.
Please check this blog she is wonderful!

http://watchingthewaters.wordpress.com/2009/11/

Two to Me said:
Wow, Lisa, you have taken a lot on. Kudos to you for being willing to do your best to help this child! How old is he, may I ask?

It sounds like he really needs to work through his fantasy that he's going to live with bio mom before he can start to attach, or try to attach, to you. Have your therapist help you with ways to make this happen. Until he's over that fantasy, you can't start the real bonding with him.



Lisa K. Santee said:
our family is in therapy. There is no contact with the birth family. He has stated several times that he is going to go live with Amy (bio mom) when he is 18.Yes, ASD, autism spectrum disorder. Higher functioning though. Also sensory integration disorder, conduct disorder and adjustment disorder. A little sparkle of hope is a good thing...thanks =)

Two to Me said:
Hello, I'm not familiar with some of these what PTSD, CD and ASD means? I’m not from the US.
It’s hard to raise a kid with so many challenges, my girls has ACD (accumulative cognitive disorder) it doesn’t affect her behavior most days but everything seems much more difficult for her than for other kids of the same age, she’s 5 and can’t recognize most letters, her classmates are already reading and she feels frustrated about it sometimes she reacts with violence but she’s getting better.
My younger brother had a serious case of ADHD he took medicines for years that helped him a lot, but also my parents just accepted that he wasn’t becoming a “normal” child with the medicines and that made life easier.
You might go to www.attach.org for referral to a therapist that knows about RAD. You might also want to read Parenting The Hurt Child by Dr Keck and myself. It might help you parent this child in a different way. Many kids get way better
Regina Kupecky
sometimes I wonder if it's even possible. It seems all he wants to do is destroy things and do everything that he knows he isn't supposed to. Worse...he doesn't care. He has this absolute empty look in his eyes when you are trying to talk to him about some of the behaviors...like nothing is there. Quite odd. I will definitely check out the link. We have a few really good attachment therapists around here. Sometimes I wonder if he isn't something worse than unattached. Gives me things to ponder when I can't sleep anyway! Gotta stay alert for the smell of things burning that shouldn't be ;)
thank you
1
Regina Kupecky said:
You might go to www.attach.org for referral to a therapist that knows about RAD. You might also want to read Parenting The Hurt Child by Dr Keck and myself. It might help you parent this child in a different way. Many kids get way better
Regina Kupecky
things have gotten worse instead of better here. He has gotten ahold of a utility knife like Dad uses while working on the bathroom and sliced my counter top and the wall that just waas put up in the bathroom. He has been lighting fires again and a week ago was lighting fires in the basement. I don't know where he gets them from! But I red tadvice you all have for me. the blog that is mentioned farther down the line and she has it right...Green Mountain Coffee ROCKS!
Our 2 oldest are on meds, I think its time to tdo some major changes with Matt's, hopefully that will change something. I don't get on here often but do truly enjoy all of advice you have for me, thanks! Blessings to you all.
Medication should help withadhd. You need an attachment therapist for RAD who should be able to help with the PTSD as well. You can check www.attach.org for registered clinicians. You do need help as the child will not outgrow those diagnosis without help.
Did you ever read the book I wrote with Dr Keck Parenting The Hurt Child
What have you tried?
Regina Kupecky
Do you mean what have we tried for parenting techniques or meds? Parenting techniques we have tries Love and Logic and Nurtured Heart. They are helpful but difficult in the heat of the moment to remember to "step back". We have tried a bunch of meds. My son's doctor recommended your book to me. I read a snippet of it and it looks good!

Regina Kupecky said:
Medication should help withadhd. You need an attachment therapist for RAD who should be able to help with the PTSD as well. You can check www.attach.org for registered clinicians. You do need help as the child will not outgrow those diagnosis without help.
Did you ever read the book I wrote with Dr Keck Parenting The Hurt Child
What have you tried?
Regina Kupecky
How old is your son now?
They say that boys are their most difficult when they are young, perhaps things will actually settle down for you all as he gets older. That is what I will be praying for anyway!
Best of Luck,
Melissa Nilsen
Thank you Melissa. He is almost 9 now...we can certainly hope that things get better!

Melissa Nilsen said:
How old is your son now?
They say that boys are their most difficult when they are young, perhaps things will actually settle down for you all as he gets older. That is what I will be praying for anyway!
Best of Luck,
Melissa Nilsen

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