Birth Mother Support: all part of triad welcome

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Comment by Lucinda Wu on May 14, 2010 at 8:56am

Any adoptive families where their Chinese/Hong Kong adoptee is now an adult? We invite them to join our adoptee reunion. www.caawr.com

Comment by Kristi on April 5, 2010 at 11:05pm

Yes now the placement use to be closed now it is either open semi open or fully open. My is fully open because of the visits 6 times since she been and also she will be 5 this summer. So I am grateful on those. It is like when I was placed International in 1982 . I only saw my father about twice in my lifetime since been in Africa and I was here in the USA. I did see my relatives more. I do get visits, phone calls, pictures by email. She is now in Pre Kindergarten. This fall she will be in Kindergarten. Some days it still feels like yesterday but knowing it is almost the 5 years it has years instead of days or months or weeks.

Comment by Kelsey Stewart on February 12, 2010 at 8:22am

Let's hope someone sees this and takes it to heart!
Dear Anderson Cooper, Haiti is not the only country with adoption issues

Comment by Kelsey Stewart on January 14, 2010 at 5:36pm

Here is the lastest installment of my new blog series "Happy Thoughts". It is a collection of all the positive things people have done for me or said to me about being a birth mother. Aimed to help those that may be having a hard time as a birth mother, I want to spread the positive love around!

Happy Thoughts...#3

Thank you and feel free to leave a comment or your own happy thought!
Kelsey Stewart
Author, The Best For You

Comment by Kelsey Stewart on December 16, 2009 at 11:48am

Stay strong Jessica. All of your feelings are validated with me. I know those emotions all too well. You are right to have them, I would be worried if you did not.
Do not loose faith! Just as you are feeling overwhelmed with all of what you are experiencing, please keep in mind that your adoptive parents are dealing with a lot as well. They will always have the fear that you will be unhappy with your decision. They will always wonder how to best handle your relationship with their child. They are also taking care of a three month old child and that is a very demanding job. There is little sleep, little free time and a huge adjustment in everyday life. I am not making excuses for them, just trying to perhaps explain why the lack of communication. This period is a huge adjustment for everyone involved. It is not going to be the same as when you were pregnant. This is the next phase of the process and everything you are feeling are normal for new birth mothers.

You really have to take one day at a time from here on. This first year will be very difficult, both emotionally and physically. Your heart will ache, you will doubt yourself more than once, you will feel alone and humiliated, you will probably also feel depressed and sad. THIS IS ALL NORMAL FOR BIRTH MOTHERS. It is a very hard fact that no one prepares you for, but I am here to tell you that if you believe in yourself, you will be able to get through this. The pain, grief and confusion will subside ... slowly. Do not expect this all to get better in a couple of months. This will be a life altering and life healing experience for you. But I will be honest, you have to take care of you and help YOU heal from this.

Are you getting any support? Do you have someone close to you that you can talk to? Have you considered calling your social worker or agency and telling them that you need help? Have you considered going to a pshycologist, or a support group? You need to do so if you have nto already, it can help you. I suggest an outside source like a pshycologist because it may be easier to really let your feelings go with a stranger. Sometimes expressing what your deep fears are, like you did in your post, can help you realize what it is that you need to help you.

I hope you do not mind my honesty. I am not one to sugarcoat this subject. I can tell you that I wish I would have had someone be so honest with me twenty years ago, someone to tell me that I was still a good person and I could move on without loosing myself in the process. I will tell you that after all I have been through, my children are very proud of what I did for them. They are happy kids who know that they were loved so much they have two mothers and two fathers. I can tell you that there is a better place that you will be in, and you too will feel pride when you think of your children. It will just take time to heal and a lot of self love to get there.

I am here if you would like to vent, or need more support. You are a strong woman who asked for help when many would not. You are the reason that another family was born. You are a shining example of what more girls/women should do. YOu are an inspiration to many, many other women out there. You are the best kind of mother there is! Please remember this, and it is okay to feel good about what you have done!

My best to you!
Kelsey

Comment by Amanda Williams on October 9, 2009 at 1:42pm

Jessica
I'll email you and add you to my IM list tonite :) I'm not on very often, but you can IM anyways and I'll get back to you :) I don't have a car, so I figured out the bus system, but whatever helps you through your pain and grief. If you need group, IM or an email, I'm here to support you :)

I went through LDS Family Services so I didn't have a hearing...but none the less, the finalization of the adoption is pretty hard. Just keep reassuring yourself you did it for your reasons, and go over those reasons in your head. It might not help at that exact moment in time, but later when you look back on life, you won't regret it.

That's great that your family will be able to see Cameron. Pictures and hobby's like scrap booking and journalism are very important. I keep a separate journal for "Bunny" and write to her if I'm remembering something about her, thinking about her, or having a great spiritual moment in my life. I plan on giving it to her when she is older. I also and keeping a separate scrap book for her and her adopted sister as well.

I'm glad you are able to do those things to help yourself out :)

Comment by Amanda Williams on October 8, 2009 at 7:28pm

Jessica
Sounds like you have had a rough day. I'm not too familiar with your adoption story, but wouldn't mind hearing about it at an appropriate time when you feel like sharing.
I have an extremely open adoption, but I even now 2 yrs later get the blues from time to time. The first bit is real rough and is hard, but that's why I started this group, so we all could support one another and vent.
I don't have aol, just yahoo...But I will email you ASAP so you have it for future reference.
The emotions you are going through are normal. I go to a birth mom support group and it seemed to help. Just a suggestion.

Comment by Amanda Williams on September 30, 2009 at 10:37am

Birth moms, and for those in the area, Desha and I are trying to start a birth mom photo shoot. Here are the details.
http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=133924471434

Comment by Desha Wood on September 15, 2009 at 10:01pm

Comment by Karine Mikesell on September 10, 2009 at 9:10pm

Wish I knew how to help ya Max2000. Did you comment in that area she was asking questions? You can go to your home page and see all the places you comment is all I know. I hope you find her :) Good luck. I am sure whatever you say will be fine :)

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