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Birthparents

For first parents who have placed a child for adoption.

Members: 136
Latest Activity: Mar 7, 2012

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New birth mother seeking support 7 Replies

Started by Stefanie Cook. Last reply by Tracy M Pond Mar 3, 2012.

once upon a time

Started by Erin Oct 24, 2011.

i need support... 13 Replies

Started by Celeste Heid. Last reply by Kim Chester Jul 27, 2011.

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Comment by Kelsey Stewart on February 3, 2011 at 10:38am

GiVeAwAy time!!!! Visit the blog for your chance to win a copy of The Best For You, an adoption book for children written by a birth mother! Taking about heroes in this post, so come on over and share your love for your hero!

Hero Giveaway

Comment by Carol Marie on January 28, 2011 at 1:02pm
@susie: Thank you, I am keeping copies. My husband (who is not the birthfather) told me to do what I can and keep everything, so I can prove to Carlie when she grows up that I kept trying and doing my best. I love her so much and I am just worried that something happen. I know it is out of my hands. But she IS a part of ME. We are all God's children. She is a child of God, and thats how I know she is safe no matter what. I know that God has a purpose for me and for everyone. So I just got to leave it in his (God's) hands.

@Leanne Evanochko: The law here is same as most. But they told me in the beginning (agreed upon in front of social worker) that I would have visitation. I guess that doesnt count as written down.. :( I am learning from that now. I am going to have to go back and research it more.
You are right, they are not OBLIGATED too. I realize that and sometimes I forget. But she is a part of me. I am not asking them to give her back to me. I don't think they realize that if they lie to her about being adopted, how it will crush her. I have seen too many bad situations because of this. Ahhh frustrates me. My counseler is looking into it and helping me with what he can..


Thanks ladies for the support~! :) have a wonderful weekend.
Comment by Kelsey Stewart on January 27, 2011 at 11:21am

Great memoir that any birth mother would enjoy! Great writing about a birth mother who eventually finds her son and reunites with him after 40 long years!

Good Girls Don't ~ A Memoir by Patti Hawn

Comment by Susie on January 26, 2011 at 2:17pm

Hi Carol Marie!

I'm sorry that your daughter's adoptive parents are not responding to you.  Do you live in one of the few states that open adoption is legally enforceable.  I hope that by contacting the adoption agency you can get some response.  When you set up the adoption, did you all discuss what you wanted in the open adoption?

I wish I had some wise advice, but all I have to offer is my prayer that the adoptive parents honor you and your husband by keeping in communication with you. One thing you can do, for the future, is keep printed copies of every email or letter you send to the parents.  That way you will have proof that you tried to stay in your daughter's life, that it was the adoptive parents that kept you out.

I think it is so very horrible when people who adopt do not keep their promises to the people that allowed them to become parents. 

 

Hugs to you, I unfortunately know how hard it is to not know how your child is doing. 

Comment by Leanne Evanochko on January 26, 2011 at 12:54pm

Hi Carol Marie,

I am not sure what the laws are like where you are, but here once we sign away parental rights, that's it. So if the adoptive parents do not want to contact you for whatever reason, they are not LEGALLY obligated to. If you went through an agency or lawyers you can contact them to reach the adoptive parents on your behalf. Do you have any other way of contacting them, like a phone number or mailing address? Maybe they just haven't received your emails. Hope that helped a little bit. All I can say is keep trying. 

Comment by Carol Marie on January 26, 2011 at 12:28pm
Hey all.. could use some help. if possible. 
Going through a slight delima.(sp) I placed my daughter Carlie 2/6/2009.  Her birthday is coming up and I am wanting to send her a gift. I have not talked to the A:parents since November. I have written a few emails, yet no response. I am starting to worry. They wont let me see her either (very aggravating) only saw her once, when she was 10 months old. I have asked numerous times to see her, and I get rejected or the runaround. Please....what can I do. My husband talked to our adoption counseler and he is looking into it.
Comment by Susie on January 9, 2011 at 9:16pm
Generose,
I am so sorry that you have lost your son to adoption. I wish I could say that some day it gets easier, but I won't lie to you. It does help to find other first moms, who know exactly what you are going through. Others can empathize, can say they understand, but it's impossible to truly understand unless you are living it.

Is there a CUB group near you? http://www.cubirthparents.org/
About half way down the page there is a list of local branches. Some big cities have other first-parent/adult adoptee support groups also. From experience, groups facilitated by adoption agencies are not helpful at all unless you have the belief that adoption is a positive experience.

I hope you find some other first moms who can help.
Comment by Generose Klug on January 9, 2011 at 8:44pm

People don’t understand. I lost not only my son, but a whole other person. I literally lost a part of myself. He’s alive, which I am beyond grateful for, but I’m missing out on his life. Every moment of it, he’s with his mommy. Not his “biological mother”. And it makes me angry. And I feel selfish because of it. And I know he’s happier with her than he could ever be with me, and he’s loved and cared for and provided for, but I can’t help but want to take it all back and hold him in my arms and call him mine.

People think I only get upset when I see a baby, or a pregnant person, or when something reminds me of him. I’m always upset. I’m not being overly dramatic, either. I’m literally always missing him, he’s literally always on my mind. I hate talking about it unless someone asks, though. I feel like I’m bothering them. Like they’ve heard it too many times, and they get annoyed. Or they don’t know what to say to me, and they feel awkward. Or they just don’t care. And when I do try to say something, it only comes out as, “I miss my son.” I can never say how I really feel about it. Like I’m hungry, but nothing makes the feeling go away. How whenever I see a small child, I want to hold them more than anything, but I know I can’t, because they’re not mine. How I want to be strong, and I know all the right words to say to make myself seem that way, but I never really feel it. When I do talk about it with someone, I want more than anything to be able to cry. But the tears don’t come, and they think I’m okay, and they think I’m strong, and they think they know how I feel. Like a best friend moving away, or not being able to see someone they love for however long. But this is a different kind of feeling. This isn’t missing a best friend, or the person I love. This is loving someone more than anything, more than myself. And not being able to know even one thing about the most important person in my life.

People think it gets easier. It only gets harder.

“A mother’s love for her child is like nothing else in the world. It knows no law, no pity, it dares all things and crushes down remorselessly all that stands in its path.”

Comment by Kelsey Stewart on December 21, 2010 at 3:45pm

Been thinking the last couple of days about Christmas and how hard it can be for those of us who are missing our children. Then I started thinking about all that I have learned this year...

Thankful This Season

Comment by Generose Klug on December 15, 2010 at 5:35pm

i'm the birthmom of my wonderful son joshua. i'm only 17, and he is 7 months old. it's supposed to be an open adoption, but all the contact has to come from me, which puts pressure on me and i'm always scared to call the attorney. i haven't called yet. anyway, i'm looking for support from other birthparents. just someone to talk to, and someone to listen to. (:

 

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