Adoption Voices

Closed Adoption Connection

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Closed Adoption Connection

A group for people who have experienced closed adoption situations that gives them the opportunity to discuss the pros & cons of closed adoption.

Members: 57
Latest Activity: Dec 28, 2011

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Started by Rebecca L Vahle Jan 4, 2010.

MANHATTAN (NY) ADOPTEES 1960-1970 WHO ARE SEEKING BIRTH PARENTS. 1 Reply

Started by Mary Franklin. Last reply by Adoptee Rights Demonstration Jul 11, 2009.

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Comment by Aurette Bowes on March 3, 2011 at 1:14am
No, LDAs are not exempt from adoption issues. Read more at http://aurettebowes.wordpress.com/2011/03/02/adoption-issues/
Comment by Missy Wieland on February 3, 2011 at 9:32am
Kirsten   personaly i would love to be part of my kids life when thay and thair new familys are ready but i also spent 1 yr with my little girl and 5 1/2 yrs with my son before the state touch them. i would just leave her 1 more massage let her know that when she is ready you are there and that you are willing to take it slow and  let her know  that you would like to hear back for her just to know that she is ok
Comment by Kirsten Knode on January 30, 2011 at 6:48am
Any birthmoms out there have advice for me?  S. (our son's birthmom) called us a couple of times and said that she wanted to get together and meet him.  We live really close.  Anyway, the time that we were supposed to meet came and went but we haven't heard back from her.  I called and left a message, but got no call back.  Should I call again?  I don't want to pressure her but I want to make sure she is ok.  If she is not ready to see him, that is ok with us.  We are willing to take it slow.  But how do you know when to try to reach out and when to leave her alone?
Comment by michele satin on January 29, 2011 at 8:32pm

Hi all,

My Thoughs On Open Adoption-Well I Had a Baby back 28 years ago, it was a closed adoption, I did not know anything, I was 21 at that time, I remember one Night when I started coming out of all the medication they had giving me bc I had a Long hard Labor My Mother was talking to me & I said Mom what would be the Harm in going down to the Nursery and Looking at her? She Freaked she made me Promise that I would not do it, Because she Knew that if I did I would never, ever be able to Give her Up,I never did.. I wish somtimes I did, But I know In My Heart if I did I proberly would not be able to Give her Up. I wish somtimes that It was an Opened Adoption, But then I think of how hard it was to wonder all those years that past, I don`t know if I could have handeled holding her & seeing her & smelling her newborn smell & then handing her over to Strangers.

I have since had 3 children and I know the feeling of what it is Like to Have held your Baby as soon as its Born, which I did not do with her, I was Knocked out when she was being Born.

I in My Heart Know at the time it was the Right thing & the right way.

The Hospital Nurse Brought her into My Room On afternoon by mistake to Feed her, I did not have My Glasses On I have/had really bad eyesight as A kid, I yelled No... and they turned and backed out real quick with her, But I will remember seeing her Hair and she had redhair, Like Mine.

Ill never forget this.

27 years later we Kinda Sorta Found each other, Never spoke Just still after a Year or so.. still Just talk Via email, vis Text.

I do Understand her feelings & I totally Understand Her Mothers Fear too, so I stay Neutural and text her Now & Then and Let her Know I am here for her when she is Ready, is it Hard yes.. it is, I just wish we can speak but  Maybe One day.

Maybe if the Adoption was Open it would have been different, I can go on and On with all of this & deep rooted feelings But I would have to write a Book.

I also Know that we have not as yet spokem But..Knowing her & what she looks Like today & seeing Pictures of her Now & when she was smaller because she Picture Mailed them to me, I somtimes dont know if it is easier to Know today. Very Deep rooted situation when you Give Up a Child & On Both parts too The BirthMom & The Child & It does stick with them too.

But I guess any descion that is made Just has to be the Right one for Both Parties.

Comment by Danielle on January 28, 2011 at 6:46pm
kirsten, that is wonderful news! and as a birthmom, it really tickles me to hear that you are so excited & want to have more interaction with your son's birthmom ( :
Comment by Danielle on January 28, 2011 at 6:45pm
hi tammy, i just want to let you know that i believe adoption is a beautiful option...i placed my daughter when i was 16 years old, mostly because of pressure from my family, but i now know that it was the best thing for me & my little girl...i was able to go on & graduate from college & get a great career going, meet a man who treats me well (as opposed to her birthfather) & she has grown up with a loving set of parents who could provide her everything i couldn't. that said, i do have regrets about choosing a closed adoption plan.  the main reason i chose it was because none of my extended family even knew about my pregnancy & my parents were trying to keep it on the "down low" because my dad was a pastor...i also felt personally that i would be letting my baby girl down if i was unable to keep up with regular visits & so forth, being as that her adoptive family lived in cincinnati & i lived in pittsburgh at the time.  what i didn't realize about the closed adoption was that not only could i not visit her, but i would stop receiving letters & photos after her 1st birthday...i am heartbroken to this day over that...i have recently started to search for her adoptive family so that i may hopefully get in touch with them after 9 years & see if they are willing to send letters & photos on a regular basis.  my advice to you would be follow what your heart is telling you & if you feel like you would want to receive letters & pictures or have a physical visit with her once in awhile, ask for that as part of your adoption plan...don't go through with something because someone else is telling you it's the right thing to do...make sure you are going to get what you want out of it because it is for forever & lots will change in the upcoming years of both of your lives...don't do anything you think you will truly regret! best of luck to you & i hope that helps!
Comment by Kirsten Knode on January 6, 2011 at 6:13am
OMG!!!  My son's birthmother called our adoption agency yesterday.  After 9 months of assuming our adoption was going to be closed, she has decided that she wants contact with us!!!!  I'm so excited!  I never in a million years thought this was going to happen!  Whoo-hoo!
Comment by Kirsten Knode on January 3, 2011 at 7:16am
Tammy, I'm an adoptive mom of two.  Both adoptions were closed (one was international and the other was domestic).  I just wanted to say that I would give anything to have contact with my kids firstmoms.  Please consider it.  Children need to know their whole story.  We were at least lucky enough to get their original birth certificates but just knowing a name is not enough.  You don't have to be a daily part of their lives if that is too painful for you, but just occational letters would make a world of difference.  Adoptive parents can tell kids that their kids that their firstparents love them, but it is not the same as hearing it first hand.  Just two cents from a mom in a closed adoption situation.
Comment by elaine howell on January 2, 2011 at 8:02pm

I am an adoptee,age 48 now,and based on my experiences,closed adoption is absolutely unfair to all involved...esp. this little 1 who has no say over his or her fate right now.We as adoptees deserve our information as to who we are...yet we are the only group in the US not given our information as we request it...you can have an open adoption in gradations that all are comfortable with...everything from no 411 given til age 18 to the child but w/medical 411 given to a fully open adoption.The thing is,adoption is a wonderful thing...please do not hide it totally and make it ugly.I found my B'momat 20(now 48) and it did not work out in the long run for us,but I did receive invaluable medical 411 for my 2 sons(22 and 25) that will be so important in their lives,and has already been...genetic diseases. please feel free to get in touch.---Elaine

Comment by Danielle on December 5, 2010 at 12:49pm
hello everyone! i started this group but unfortunately haven't been a big part of it in a very long time...i lost my job in august 2009 & haven't had internet connection until after i moved to a new home this past june...but then i welcomed my sweet baby boy in july & he's kept me so busy i haven't had time to log on to the site! but here i am now & i'm so happy all of you have joined & kept the comments going...i will make it a point to speak to each of you & catch up on everyone's stories...thanks so much for keeping this going & hopefully i can be a part of it from now on! it's so good to be back ( :
 

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