Hoping to Adopt

Comment

Comment by Melissa Jensen on October 6, 2009 at 11:05pm

So sorry Tammy! I know that it can be so heartbreaking when it doesn't work out, but just keep in mind that that wasn't your baby. Your baby WILL find you, and when it's right it will all work out. HUGS.

Comment by Sharon Crown on October 6, 2009 at 9:31pm

{{{HUGS}}} Tammy! I'm so sorry sweetie!

Comment by Angie Sanders on October 6, 2009 at 6:22pm

Tammy, I'm so sorry. I know how that kind of disappointment feels. It sucks! It's part of most adoption stories. Keep the faith. The exact right situation will come! Sending you a virtual hug!

Comment by Kelsey Stewart on October 5, 2009 at 11:35pm

Stephanie, you are right to feel nervous. But please keep in mind that this relinquisment is a very final thing for her. She has carried a baby for nine months and now it is going to be final, that precious life that she too has come to love is no longer going to be hers. Give her support and try to let her know that you are appreciative of what she is doing for you. You have probably already done this, but keep providing her that positive feedback because she needs to know that YOU support her decision.

I know those first few weeks after my daughter's birth were a whirlwind of emotions coupled with hormones going crazy. I got by with the amazing support of my mother then (this was 20 years ago) because the adoption agency would not allow me to have contact with the adoptive parents. I was confused, angry, sad, disappointed in myself all the while curious as to how my baby was doing. I tis not something that one can just turn off. It is a very difficult time for a birth mother, just as it is for you to be worried about what is to come. There is no text book for this, each and every adoption is unique. Gently remind her that she needs to get in touch with the social worker and finalized the papers with the birth father. Ask the the social worker to ask her how she feels about it, maybe she just needs someone to talk to.

I hope you do not mind me interjecting my thoughts here, I just thought it might help to hear it from someone who has healed, had a lot of time to think about things and can give you point of view that not many know or understand. I wish you all the best and hope things go well for you.

Comment by Stephanie B. on October 5, 2009 at 8:12pm

Update - we are moved and mostly settled. Our bmom has been in contact with me regularly...almost daily via text msg and we've spoken on the phone twice. She is, however, avoiding our caseworker...and providing her with the info to serve the bfather relinquishment papers. Uh...this doesn't seem like a good sign. Sigh.

Comment by Savannah on October 5, 2009 at 1:21pm

That's what I'm banking on, that they'll be so in love it won't matter. I think maybe they are just scared to hope for the unkown and don't know how to support us so they don't do anything. We seem to have a great relationship over other things. It's only since grandchildren started to enter the family that our relationship struggled and I take a lot of the blame for that.

Comment by Shaun on October 5, 2009 at 12:17pm

Savannah, I can't imagine your family not supporting your decision to adopt, you seem such a wonderful supportive person yourself. Absolutely, if my family didn't support this decision, they would not be welcomed and I wouldn't be sharing any info with them. I am very close with mine and my husbands family however, I must admit we thought they would'nt support the idea but luckily they did and when I say luckily I mean for them. They are excited and are visiting one behind the other. It will change their outlook when they meet your beautiful defenceless child. The will love him/her to pieces.

Comment by elaine howell on October 5, 2009 at 11:58am

hi! I am an adoptee,who is very blessed to have 2 bio kids,although it took 10 miscarriages to get here...my best friend since age 16(am now 46) has tried 4 years to conceive,surgery and all...MASSIVE fibroud trouble)...wants 2 adopt biracially(she is black,her husband is white)...any ideas?

Comment by Cindy and Jeff on October 5, 2009 at 10:29am

I have the same feelings. Specially after having two birth mothers changing their minds at birth. Some part of me feels every-time we have a contact I tell someone and it doesn't work out. I don't get it.

Comment by Savannah on October 5, 2009 at 10:20am

I have mixed feelings about telling family when we are matched. From the lack of support we probably won't say anything until we are sure, which may be the day we bring baby home. I just couldn't handle their lack of excitement if we made an announcement and then didn't get support.

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