Open Adoption

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Comment by Kelsey Stewart on July 9, 2010 at 10:49am

Yesterday I watched the Dr. Oz show for the first time because the topic was "Teen Sex Crisis: What every parent should know." I was intrigued because a friend told me he talked extensively about the choice of adoption with some teenagers, and I was shocked with the statistics that he shared! Not to mention, what he discovered about open adoption. Share your thoughts with me...
Teen Sex Crisis: Dr. Oz and Adoption

Comment by Leah on June 24, 2010 at 5:27am

Kristina I just read your story. I hope that one day you and M will find each other. It sounds like you both need that. I feel like I am in the opposite situation, in a way. My son was born in 2008. When we picked him up from the hospital I was so looking forward to meeting his birth mom. However, she did not want to meet us. It was too hard for her. Although a little disappointed, I understood. For his first birthday, we had set up a date to meet for lunch. That morning I got an e-mail stating she coudn't do it. That was disappointing, too. I am hoping one day we will get to meet her. We communicate through e-mail often and we send pictures. My son will know his birth mom and her son. I am forever grateful for what she has given us!

Comment by Jessalynn Bills on June 22, 2010 at 8:07pm

Enter the Contest
http://birthmothers4adoption.blogspot.com/2010/06/logo-contest-update.html

Comment by Heidi Hopkins on May 25, 2010 at 12:41pm

Kristina, I'm glad you did share again - I had read comments from you before, but not your story -- it made me cry!!! I can't imagine the pain you've been through & how much M is missing out by not having you as a part of her life! The adoptive mom clearly doesn't realize it, but even she is missing out quite a bit by not having you in the picture and an active part of M's support network!
Sending peaceful, loving thoughts your way....

Comment by Michelle on May 25, 2010 at 6:26am

Maya is so pretty in my opinion. So when people say she is pretty, I often feel like a fraud if I say thank-you. Nothing I did. That's due to her Mommy Nikki. I want to explain sometimes just so I give credit where credit is due. Other times I say to myself that I have contributed because she is so happy. But I barely did anything there either. She just came that way. Happy as a clam. Hopefully I won't kill any of those traits along the way.

Comment by Elaine M. Grabinski on May 24, 2010 at 10:09pm

So many folks comment that our son Quinn who was adopted from birth looks like me. I find it a compliment, and often times just say Thank You!

Comment by Rebecca L Vahle on May 24, 2010 at 8:40pm

Isn't that bizarre?? I remember a woman in the grocery store that of course came up and asked where my daughter "got that red hair". I explained it was from her BMom and she said, "She's adopted????? But she is so cute!!" WHAT???? Man, it took me a long time to finally accept that people just don't get it and that it's okay. Why would they if they haven't been a part of the adoption world. I am sure I am unknowingly ultra-insensitive at times when interacting with a population I don't understand. It is essential to remember it is not malicious!

Comment by Michelle on May 24, 2010 at 5:26pm

Rebecca, my husband is white -- English, Swiss, Dutch. He has three siblings who were adopted who are half black and half Jewish. (And a cousin adopted from China 40 years ago when her father was a professor there.) My brother's wife once commented about my husband's annual family picture that they all "looked" the same. I said, "Um, no they don't. Look at the different body sizes, hair color and hair texture." She responded, "Well, you know what I mean. They look like a family." I was taken aback. Well, they do love each other. But did Olan Mills really capture that? I didn't think so. They were all standing in the same photo, so I guess you could surmise that they are a family. But did she expect that children who are adopted would somehow look like Cinderellas in the family picture? "Like" family, but somehow second-rate family? They ARE family, I wanted to scream.

That was many years ago. When I am with my husband's sisters, outsiders assume my husband is black. Oh, well. And now I have a toddler who is darker skinned than me. (I am Italian; she is Japanese, Native, Cuban, African and European American.) When she first came, I wondered whether I looked like I could be her mother. Was I dark enough? But I was just trying to surmise in my head what other people might think. These days, I just KNOW that I am her mother and she is my baby and am comfortable with that.

If there is one thing my husband's family has taught me, it is that family can have many different faces. The only certain feature is love.

Comment by Michelle on May 24, 2010 at 5:03pm

Kristina, your story breaks my heart. For what it's worth, I had a girlfriend whose husband was awarded custody of her three young sons when she divorced him -- because she drank at the time. She gave up drinking, but still the father would not let the sons spend time with her. One by one, as they turned 18, the sons came to live with her. She felt like she had been "vindicated" in some way. That her sons knew that she loved them and that their father had kept them from her. While I don't hope that your daughter "turns" on her present family, I do hope for you some of the joy that my girlfriend was able to experience as her three sons came back to her. Whatever form that joy might take in your case, I hope it comes to you as well.

Comment by Kristina Savarese_Ramey on May 24, 2010 at 4:59pm

it may also just be " what people say " type of thing! My two daughters don't look like me at all, yet people say they do! And they are natural!
funny LOL

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