Toddler Adoption

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Comment by Starry Eyes on March 30, 2012 at 12:10pm

In terms of the getting up in the middle of the night - could she still be dealing with some jet lag?  That can run on and off for a while, expecially in a little one.  It's wonderful that she's attaching like she is to daddy.  That sleeplessness when he is not home will improve ~ all of it is time.  I'm glad you don't mind my keeping in touch. 

Comment by Penny Diamond on March 30, 2012 at 9:20am

so nice to think of us, Starry Eyes!!! This week, about the same.  She had a few really rough nights when we actually called it quits in the middle of the night, and just got up.  It's funny because when my husband puts her to bed, and is home (he works nights sometimes) she seems to sleep like a log and mostly through the night. When it's just her and I, she has sleep issues and is up multiple times. I don't know why it's like that.  We belong to an adoption group through a local church, and someone suggested my husband be the only one to give Tina sweets, to help create that bond between them. So we've been having him be the keeper of the fruit snacks that she loves, and I've been spending time out of sight so she has to rely on him for blocks of time.    So...that's what we've been doing.  Also found out she has a Giardia which causes bad belly aches and diarrhea, so she was on some medicine for that. I'm sure having a tummy ache makes her feel cranky and crummy/. Hoping she can be well from that soon too.

Comment by Starry Eyes on March 30, 2012 at 9:01am

Hi Penny, just checking in with you again.  How is this week going? 

Comment by Starry Eyes on March 22, 2012 at 3:21pm

Baby steps for the baby Penny.  And you are doing just what she needs. Rocking and calming her and making her feel safe and know that you will always be there.  I will say that you should not be any means leave her to cry at this stage at all.  She needs to know that you are going to be there for her.  As to your husband.  It is a very common thing for kids from orphanages to not bond with men.  I think there's a men's forum in here somewhere, you might find that and post and ask for some tips for him.  I had the opposite with my first son.  I was mom 4 - moms leave.  But daddy was the first daddy and they bonded instantly and are still madly in love.  Me and son one are there now, but it was a lot of work and took years.  Now we are inseperable, but daddy is still love one.  I'm ok with that.  I have son two to make up for it.  :D

Comment by Penny Diamond on March 22, 2012 at 9:49am

Starry Eyes...thank you we are doing o.k.  We are not making huge headway with the sleeping.  She was up 3 times in 8 hours last night.  We basically go in there when she cries and rock her back to sleep. No lights on, no playing, keep it as boring as possible to encourage her to sleep. 

Also, she seems to have issues bonding with my husband? She does not like to go to him for anything except rocking at bedtime.  She actually screams and cries when I leave the room, or when he tries to care for her.  She did not have male caregivers at her orphanage, and I'm wondering if that is why? Does anyone else have similar experiences?  I've had people tell me their bio kids have been through "mommy" stages like this, and that it's not an adoption thing, but I think it is..... any advice?

Comment by Starry Eyes on March 22, 2012 at 9:36am

So parents how are you all this fine day?  I am having a quiet fun time with my boys as this is our Spring break.  I was thinking about how we are waiting for another match for a toddler and how it seems to be taking longer than I thought this time around - but it has not been that long at all.  I am anxious like many to get the ball rolling and finish waiting. 

Comment by Starry Eyes on March 22, 2012 at 9:34am

@Penny Diamond, how are things going for you this week?  I was thinking of you this morning as I had my first full night's sleep in a long time (my son is 5 and still wakes in the night at least once).  Did any of the suggestions work for you? 

Comment by J Noel VanDeviver on March 14, 2012 at 10:02am

Hi Penny -

I agree with Starry Eyes.  A month is not long in the grand scheme of things.  It took my son (came home at 27 months) a good month to month and a half to grieve the loss of his nanny.  He would scream at the top of his lungs at least once a day for at least an hour while sitting in the corner.  When I would go to him, he would push me away.  It was awful but now I tell the story with him hanging on me, saying, "Mama!  Mama!"

 I had a blow up mattress in his room that I slept on for several months.  We did not want him to get accustom to sleeping in our bed so I slept in his room - this helped a lot.  I would also put him in an Ergo baby carrier and walk &/or rock him to sleep every night for about 6 months.  Once he moved into a toddler bed - the entire sleep situation changed drastically for the better.  He is a good sleeper now.

Just give it some time.  I have one picture of him during the first week that he was here where he literally just passed out – looked like he just fell forward – snack cup in hand and all.  He would not sleep in the beginning at all – only out of pure exhaustion. 

Comment by Starry Eyes on March 14, 2012 at 8:59am

Hi everyone, I am still wishing for my next toddler to arrive.  My kids are growing so fast.  I just want to give them a little pill to keep them small forever.  *sigh*

 

Comment by Starry Eyes on March 14, 2012 at 8:58am

Hi Penny, congratulations on the arrival of your daughter. 

 

She is likely having a hard time adjusting to the time zone change, as well as her new environment.  When I adopted my first son at that age he really had a hard time sleeping.  He was a local, but it was a strange house, new City, new family, new bed, everything.  The best thing to know is that it will simply take time for her to adapt. 

 

In the meantime, give her a lot of reassurance in the night and maybe you are going to have to sleep close to her for a while.  She might also be not used to being alone.  If she was in an orphanage, imagine the sounds that came with that and then to be put in a quiet place.  You might consider putting a fan in her room on low.  It's the white noise factor. 

 

Can you put a temperary bed for yourself in her room?  My husband did that for our son and when he would wake in the night hubby would climb onto his little bed until our son fell back asleep.  Sometimes he would fall asleep there too - usually before our son - but it was a comfort to my son to have daddy close.  Later hubby would sneak back to our bed. 

 

Also at that age our son needed an extra snack in the night sometimes.  We would give him a bit of banana and that seemed to help. 

 

Good luck and happy mamma life. 

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