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I have a white friend with a penchant for making negative comments about lower-class African-Americans--particularly when it comes to names and describing things negatively as "ghetto".  I may be five years from adopting, but I want to be able to bring my kids into an environment where I know they can be fully accepted by my friends, since my friends will essentially be their family, as I live far from my own family.  How should I confront my friend, tactfully but firmly?




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I don't believe the term Ghetto is a black reference. My town has a ghetto that is primarily White and Hispanic, where there is more crime and less money then the rest of the town (Northside Loco's area). I agree there should't be a stigma down grading the people who live there but even the little white children feel the pain of growing up poor. Just ask your friend their defination of the word "ghetto", and go from there. I grew up on the "Northside" and I turned out okay.
To me _a_ ghetto isn't necessarily about Blacks (the original term comes from the places Jews were forced to live in Europe), but saying "that's so ghetto" seems to me to usually be about Blacks. I think it would offend me.

I would say something like: "You know, I'm offended when you use the word ghetto like that." Before you do this, really explore your thoughts and feelings to come up with >why< it offends you - not because of some future child, but because of how >you< feel about it and the kind of world you want to live in. You may need to journal about it or talk it over with a friend to figure out how you feel and what you think. You might ask a Black friend what they think also. Then just tell her, calmly, why it offends you. You may have to do this more than once. If she just doesn't get it, or won't stop - well, then you have to think about that friendship.

Good luck. This kind of conversation is really hard to have. But it really is us White folks that can change the minds of other White folks.
I would just simply state firmly but gently that you really don't appreciate any suggestive language that is racial. To you its hurtful and un-called for. That you know we are all children of God and that you feel those comments are ignorant and uncaring, especially if she has respect for you.
Just let her know how you feel. Be honest and if she is your friend she will respect that, explain and possibly apologize. It will help her be aware of who you are better and what you stand for. If she isn't your friend, then you don't need her.
I am not sure about the world being a place of harmony for any race... there is always issues somewhere with everyone. But, I agree that if you can control it, which you can and who you choose to allow to be in your life is you controlling it, then you should do what you can to do that to bring your children up in a loving atmosphere. :)
You will do great! :) GOOD LUCK!
Before my son came home, a co-worker (who knew I was adopting a Guatemalan child) made a very rude comment about adoption and race. I quickly nipped it in the bud, said to him, "I really do not appreciate comments like that." He quickly & sincerely apologized.

You really have to become observant of the people around you.. friends, co-worker and sometimes even family... and who may have tendencies toward making those snide comments that can be taken as offensive... and those who have preconceived thoughts/ideas about other races, that can be said around your child, possible making them feel left out or not accepted by those people around you. There were people in my life who made snide comments, and realizing they had these ideas about transracial families made me rethink my friendship with them, that it's not worth continuing the relationship because I'm not willing to put my child in a possible situation wherein others are making jokes or comments about his heritage, background, skin color, eyes, what have you... in front of him and make him feel less of who God made him to be.




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