Transracial Adoption

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Comment by Kelly Conley on July 17, 2009 at 11:05pm

White parents, black kids, Part 2:
http://www.examiner.com/x-15364-Spokane-Adoptive-Families-Examiner~y2009m7d17-White-parents-black-kidsthe-dialogue-of-race-Part-2-of-3

Comment by Laine Thomas on July 16, 2009 at 5:14pm

Here is an interesting and informative article. Food for thought. http://e-magazine.adoption.com/articles/462/the-inner-world-of-the-adopted-child.php

Comment by Jennifer Burczyk-Brown on July 14, 2009 at 6:26pm

Hi, Denalee--

I think what you said about children getting teased for one thing or another during their middle school years is true. In fact, I often joke that we made parenting adolescents easier by adopting transracially. We already know some of the reasons they'll experience teenage angst and hatred of their parents!

Still, I think there are many issues we overlook if we act as though parenting our transracially adopted children is no different than parenting "homegrown" children. For instance, my children, who are African American, are likely to face issues when it comes to datng that children I might have given birth to would not experience. There are lessons we're already having to teach our kids (our oldest is not yet 6) and decisions we might not have had to face that wouldn't have arisen if we had not adopted.

I wouldn't trade my family for the world, and I couldn't love these children any more than I do, but that's not going to change the fact that they are likely (based on the statistics we know) to face struggles because of their ethnic background. And I believe that the more we do as parents to prepare them, the better they're apt to be to handle those challenges.

Comment by Many Hearts One Beat on July 14, 2009 at 5:36pm

I was wondering if anyone has read "The Primal Wound - Understanding the Adopted Child" by Nancy Newton Verrier? It's very insighful in regards to an adoptees experience of abandonment and loss. Have not finished it yet but hope to soon and was just wondering your thoughts, if you have by chance, read it...

Comment by Denalee Chapman on July 14, 2009 at 9:37am

A couple of thoughts:
I loved the earlier comment about how it's the parents' reaction that will affect kids the most when dealing with racism.
Also, there was an early comment about even young kids being labeled, teased, called names, etc. I know that happens at all ages, but gets particularly vicious during the middle school years. BUT my experience is that it happens with all kids - regardless of race, adoption status, etc. Because we have some natural born kids as well as an adopted son in our family, it's been easy for him to see that he's not singled out - that what's happened to him, happened to his siblings before and after him. Being called "c****" is no different to him than his sibling being called "4-eyes". Because we're a mixed family, it's been natural for our son to see that this behavior happens whether adopted or not. But for those families without natural-born, white kids, this may need to be pointed out in some way ...
just some thoughts.

Comment by Laine Thomas on July 14, 2009 at 9:34am

Thanks Mrs. R. Good article. Would definitely agree. We have a policy of open communication in our home. Our AA children that are old enough to understand the differences know that they can ask us any questions or talk about anything. Some of the discussions we have are very interesting. We teach them about African Americans we admire for their unique and wonderful contributions to our society. We celebrate MLK day. We also talk about others of different races that we admire. We teach them it is not your color but the difference you make in this world that is most important. We talk about prejudices they experience and try to help them understand the problem is not with them. Hopefully this foundation will carry them through their lives and help them feel confident about their worth as an individual.

Comment by mrs. r on July 14, 2009 at 9:13am

have you seen this article? i am interested in reading the whole 3 part series.

White parents, black kids--the dialogue of race

Comment by miki esplin on July 12, 2009 at 9:50pm

holly molly Kim , this is so wrong it makes me wanna go and have a talk with someones ..... geez i am shocked over and over again on how racists people still are , No matter how much they make and how long they went to school. its revolting. all we can do is stand steadfast and create changes. It is totally possible, if we compare out times to 50 yrs ago, we just need to stick it out. Keep venting!

Comment by Missy Romeis on July 11, 2009 at 8:56am

My husband and I are also adopting through a minority program. I was a little upset/befuzzled because our agency's minority program includes AA and biracial AA children only. All the other "minorities" (latino, asian, and else) are in the "regular" domestic adoption program. They say it is because many AA birthparents want to place their children into families similar to theirs and many white families don't feel comfortable adopting an AA child. But there are many non-AA children who won't look a thing like their adoptive parents.

We are just happy to finally be done with our home-study and are waiting to be picked by a mom. My sister married a gentleman from Senegal and he is just the nicest man you would ever meet. I look forward to raising our AA children with my sisters biracial AA children as cousins.

My mother's side of the family were rather racist in their earlier years. I am hoping that this doesn't come up with us and our children. I think they have changed a bit with the times though. It's all a journey....

And there I go talking on and on again :)

Missy

Comment by Julie Paretti on July 10, 2009 at 7:45pm

Kim - I am devastated for you!! We live in the south as well, but luckily haven't come across that horrible, overt racism. Our neighborhood is fairly diverse and our family is amazingly supportive - all helps. My prayers are with you!

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