Why Open?

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Comment by Kelsey Stewart on July 9, 2010 at 10:41am

I am back to blogging about adoption...sometimes I have to take a break in order to get my head straight! Yesterday I watched the Dr. Oz show for the first time because the topic was "Teen Sex Crisis: What every parent should know." I was intrigued because a friend told me he talked extensively about the choice of adoption with some teenagers, and I was shocked with the statistics that he shared! Not to mention, what he discovered about open adoption. Share your thoughts with me...
Teen Sex Crisis: Dr. Oz and Adoption

Comment by Jennifer Larkin on June 2, 2010 at 2:53pm

I have a blog all about our OPEN foster care adoption! Feel free to check it out, feel free to follow. I love hearing about others open adoptions... because so many people think I am crazy for keeping ours open.

jointhelarksnest.blogspot.com

Comment by Michelle on May 28, 2010 at 11:41pm

We were discussing birth certificates on another forum. Below is my blog on why I'm uncomfortable with the birth certificate we receive with our adopted children.

http://fourgardnersandme.blogspot.com/2010/05/fake-birth-certificate.html

Comment by Kelsey Stewart on May 8, 2010 at 10:30am

The reason why I have always celebrated Mother's Day as a birth mother.
Promise Me....Happy Thoughts #1

Comment by Kelsey Stewart on March 31, 2010 at 11:48am

Hello friends,
I wanted to let you know that there are two blogs that are currently doing a giveaway of my children's book about adoption, The Best For You. If you would like to enter for a chance to win one, here are the blogs where you can do so. They are ending this week....
Adoptive Moma of Two ends Friday at noon
and
Adoption...Changing Lives From Beginning to End ends Wednesday March 31
Hope you enter...the book has been getting quite a bit of attention lately! Have a great week!
Kelsey

Comment by lyra Hosford on March 11, 2010 at 9:28am

It's totally normal to pull away a little. It's wonderful that you are building a friendship now. Often times a birth-mom and adoptive couple will become really close prior to the birth at that time there is so much vulnerability on the A parents side. Then after birth, maintaining that same communication and contact is a little more difficult for so many reasons for both parties. It's not uncommon for birthparents to grieve a loss of a friendship and support they had with the A family. Suddenly roles change and the birth-mom is in a vulnerable state. Maybe it is just a little easier right now to keep some distance. It is really hard to have constant reminders of the pain you will soon be facing with placement.

Comment by Sarah Bryson on March 10, 2010 at 6:12pm

It is definitely normal for a birthmother to pull away, but no expectant mother making an adoption plan is the same. Being pregnant in general is physically and emotionally draining and when a woman is also confronted with potentially the most difficult decision in her life you can only imagine what she must be going through.

Sometimes pulling away means she is changing her mind about the adoption plan, but MANY times it doesn't. If she is emailing you 2 to 3 times a week, she is probably trying to express her dedication to the adoption plan, even if the emails are short and this does not mean she is pulling away. She is probably just trying to continue on with her life as usual. If you do not exchange contact daily or even weekly it is not an indication that there is a lack of commitment to the adoption. Open adoption is about quality not quantity.

Comment by Savannah on March 2, 2010 at 1:47pm

We love the openness we've had with our birth mom so far. She is due in June. We try to go see her once a month (she lives about 3 hours away) and we try to email everyday. At first the emails to and from her were daily, often more than a few a day on each sides. But then the emails started to die down. We've decided that after doctor appointments is one of those times she doesn't email. I understand that, I'm sure its tough to have a checkup, hear a heart beat and then remember you are placing that child you love in a different family.

Our emails have died off and it has me a little worried. We have tried to keep up with daily emails, but some days we are pretty boring and really have nothing to tell her. But I still try to email every other day and hubs tries to email once a week. But her emails have gotten short and now it seems like we only get 2 or 3 a week. She has mentioned she is concerned about our communication, but looking in my sent box, I am still email at least 5 days of the week. I just sent her another email and said that if we don't have anything to talk about we will take a picture of something and email it just to show her we are committed to an open adoption.

We try to ask questions about her (mostly, how is she feeling and how is she doing, what has she been up too) but we hardly ever get an answer back. Her emails are now only 2 or 3 lines and its so frustrating.

I guess I just need to hear someone else say it is normal for a birth mom to kind of pull away but that everything will be okay. We waited for almost 2 years to get chosen and when we met her, she was only 6 weeks pregnant. Our adoption has always seemed to be about waiting. Sometimes I worry that we will email too much and bug her. Any suggestions?

Thanks

Comment by Lorelai Lucas on February 21, 2010 at 6:56pm

We want to have an open adoption so our children never have to choose; they can have, and love, both of their families. Their biological roots are a part of their identity and we don't want to deprive them of that.

Comment by Heather King on February 21, 2010 at 1:58pm

For us, openness is because we feel its best for our kids and blesses them in ways that we can't.

Heather
www.markandheatheradopt.com

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