Adoption Voices

People raised with shame and secrecy in closed adoptions often find it difficult to imagine the alternative of open adoption. Here’s a Q&A bloghop on WriteMindOpenHeart.com. You are invited to read and to add your thoughts to the mix.

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Why open adoption??? There are so many reasons why I fell open adoption is a better choice for the child involved. I will not be able to remember all of them at this time, but I will try.

Some of the results from research on adoption that I have seen over the years leads me to believe that open is the best path to go. 

For one, the adopted child will know his/her birth parents. This is beneficial for a couple of reasons. First, the adoptee will know know his/her birth parents. By knowing them, they will know that they were loved and are loved still to this day by not only his/her adopted family, but also by his/her birth parent(s) and their families. There has been research done that shows that no matter how open an adoption is, a child always has a period in there life where they feel lost, empty, not sure of who they are. I am not sure why this happens, but one idea is that a adoptee that has a close nit family which includes not only adoptive family but birth families as well helps the child recover from these feelings faster and better.  

Another reason it is good to have the birth parents involved in the life of the adoptee is that you can find out information on the birth parents families that might not have been included in the bio that they gave the adoptive parents. After all, the health of a person can change over the years and these health changes might be significant to the adoptee.

Both of these reason benefit the adoptive child and after all, what is the main reason for placing a child for adoption??? For me, it was to give my child a life that i could not provide for her. So, if the best thing for my daughter is to stay in her life because it makes her feel more loved and safe as well as provides any information that the adoptive parents might need, then that is what I will do. I comes down to doing what is best for my child. 

On a personal note, i could not see going a day in my life without know my child on a first hand basis. It is important to me, very important to me to see my child's milestones and life achievements for myself and not just on paper.

Kim...Being an adoptee and an adoptive parent I can so relate to wanting to have information on the biological mother/father.  That's why a biological parent should choose to fill out as much medical/emotional/family background information as possible...to pass this type of information along to the parents and child. As a biological mother/father who chooses adoption for your child, there is a reason why you sign relinquishment papers.

I feel like if you wanted to know your biological child on a first hand basis then you should have raised/parented them yourself and not chosen adoption.  If, as a bio mother/father who chose adoption you continually want to know about. have tons of information on your child, and see them in person etc how will the actual parents be able to continue to bond with their child now and not have to think of you and your wants and needs all the time?  I just don't see how complete open adoption is beneficial to the child and to the parents of this child.  Sure, I have heard of open adoptions working....but there is always a flip side.

There are so many ways a biological mother/father who chooses adoption can make sure that all the questions their child may have about them can be answered with out continuous involvement in their lives as they grow up with their family. 

I think that anyone can relate to feeling lost or empty not just adopted kids....I also think it is so important  for a child to know who their parents are and rely on them for support and guideance.  When you involve a biological mother/father. I believe it can be confusing to the child especially when they already have parents.  I find it alarming that biological mothers/fathers such as yourselves want to be such a big part of the childs life that you chose adoption for-I actually think it's quite selfish.  When you think about the fact that most adoptive children feel at some time in their life like they were "abandoned" and then have situations where "birth parents" were involved via open adoption and then choose to not keep in touch or not keep dates for meetings etc.....the disappointment can be horribly painful to the child.  To me, that risk is too great and I would urge those wanting to adopt or choosing adoption should think heavily before agreeing to any type of open adoption and even semi adoption for that matter.  I think it's actually cruel for a child when their parents have to send updates and pictures and the child never gets anything in return.  It's heartbreaking and I don't believe that this is at all beneficial to the child! 

I would love to help out. Let me know what you would like from me. I look foward to hearing from you. 

Kim

Lori Lavender Luz said:

Hi, Kim. Would love for you to share your thoughts at the blog hop. You bring up some good points.

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