Though we adopted our children as infants (at birth and 10 weeks), I've blinked my eyes and they are now 25 and 14. Both situations were SO different... One a closed adoption in the early 80s and the other an open adoption from the mid 90s. Their reactions to it, in which personalities are also a factor, are so very different, and yet I've seen some underlying 'attachment' issues with both of them over the years. (of course another factor in the whole mix was the death of my husband when they were 14 and 3 - but that's another story for another blog).
My daughter wants nothing to do with her birth mother... does not wish to find her - only wanted to know her medical history as she began her own family. We've been very open with her - as open as possible since we have so little information - and she's satisfied with that.
My son has seemed to struggle more with the whole "you're not my real mom" attitudes and significant attachment issues during his advances through puberty. Again these issues are likely heightened by his strong personality traits (if you're familiar with the DISC personality tests he's a high I with a strong influence of the D - a colossal mix at times) Unfortunately when it seemed to become most heightened was after having had contact with his birth mom during his more formative years. (I love her dearly and truly would like to have more contact - but again - that's a story for another blog).
At this point we have truly turned a corner and I am so thankful for patient counselors and a supportive church - but so few know how to truly address these issues - and at times I've felt like I'm floating alone.
I'd love to hear from those of you who have children who are now older and were adopted as infants or young children. What has been your experience? How did you address these issues? The wisdom and experience of others can be a great teacher!