Adoption Voices

"Closer Than You Think" A Documentary

This week I begin filming my documentary called "Closer Than You Think"!! I cannot wait to start the whole process because it has been on my mind and I think the adoption community deserves a little more recognition and this is how I plan to give it to them.

The concept is a real life journey following me as I go through the process of trying to find my birthmother. This is something very personal to me but I felt you here at Adoption Voices deserved to be a part of the ride. Like many, I'm sure, my biggest fear in life is that my birth mother has forgotten me. I think about it every night wether I try to keep my mind off of it or not. Last year when I turned 19, my parents gave me a letter that my birthmother wrote to them when I was born and believe me when I say I was an emotional wreck after reading it. I'll never forget the very last line of the letter where she wrote "Tell him I love him". That line sticks with me, but I still have that "what if" in the back of my mind.

The reason I'm making this documentary is to share my journey with people like me and you who wish to find that missing piece and want questions answered and put to rest. I hope you'll join me for this journey I'm about to embark on. It's going to be an emotional roller coaster but it's something I want to do and feel that needs to be shared.

I'll keep everyone posted on how it goes and I'll be tweeting pics and giving short video update on youtube so stay tuned!

thanks for reading!

Kyle Harris

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Comment by Jan on November 24, 2010 at 8:00pm
My son searched for me and found me over 9 years ago. Our reunion has brought a great deal of healing and peace to me. I have told him that finding me was one of the best things he could have done for me, even though I didn't know I needed reunion until it happened. Best of luck with your search. If you get stuck, let us know!
Comment by Jennifer Dyan Ghoston on November 6, 2010 at 8:14am
Hi Kyle, I am an adoptee and I support you in your search! I'll be reading and following your journey!!!
Comment by Laura C on November 5, 2010 at 2:43pm
This sounds wonderful and am looking forward to your journey and hearing all about it. I also loved hearing the responses from others who have also been in position of being both an adoptee and adoptive parent. It is a nice of you to share your experience.
Comment by Jamal Shahan on November 3, 2010 at 8:28am
Hi Kyle, It is great to know your thoughts and your upcoming journey. In this world, no one loves children more than parents. I think your mother will never forget you. She puts you on the adoption. I am sure that she has a personal suffering. But she still remembers you and send you a message. Do not think too negatively or positively about your fears. Everyone supports you, your adoptive parents, adoption agencies and we are here at AV . We are expecting to see your journey. Follow the voice of your heart. I will pray for you.

Good luck
Jamal & Lily.
Comment by Kyle Harris on November 2, 2010 at 11:58pm
You are all sooo incredibly nice and supportive and I just want to thank you soo very much! I'm glad I ran across adoption voices. I'm pretty sure I'm going to love getting to know all of you and letting you witness this treasure hunt of mine. As I get the project more organized I definitely want you all to be involved in anyway that you can and I think I know just the way to make that happen. I will be posting another blog soon about a way i connect with a lot of my friends through a site called Stickam. It's a live video chat room where people can come in to the chat, ask me question and i can respond via video. I definitely want to begin doing some Q&A type things for this project! I'll keep everyone posted!
Comment by Heather on November 2, 2010 at 6:55pm
This is awesome, Kyle. It's so sad that so many records are sealed and off limits to you. I am not yet a mother but I cannot imagine that your mother has ever forgotten you. I don't think it's possible for a mother to forget no matter the positive or negative emotions that surround the situation of placing a child. I am excited to witness your journey and I know that I speak for many of us when I say that we will help you however we can. What an amazing and intimate thing you are allowing us to witness.
Comment by Susie on November 2, 2010 at 6:45pm
Hi Kyle! I think it's wonderful that you are searching for your mom and making a documentary. I am a mother in reunion with my 31 year old son for almost 2 years now. I think it is despicable that adoptees cannot have access to their own records of birth. I believe that everyone has the right to their original birth certificates, to their own history, heritage, and ancestry. I hope your search is a short one.

As a mother who gave a son up for adoption, I can tell you that your mother most certainly has never forgotten you. I'm sure she thinks of you always, and loves and misses you more than you can ever know.

You are completely right in saying that reunion will be an emotional roller coaster. My son & I were both looking for each other, so we were both ready for reunion, but have still discovered how wild the reunion ride can be. Reunion opens up so many emotions that may have been buried for decades. As fearful as adoptees are of being rejected, so are their natural parents. As fearful adoptees are of having a reunion close, so are their natural parents.

Please do not let anyone's negative feelings, thoughts, or questions about reunion change your wishes to find your natural family. Those that post the negatives of possible reunion are usually hiding their own true feelings about adoption, hiding from the truth about the loss they feel because of adoption. It is natural to want to know your "roots". If not, there would be no ancestry.com's, no genealogical businesses, research centers, etc. Being adopted does not turn off the desire to know where one comes from.

As far as your adoptive parents, I hope that they understand that love multiplies, it does not have to be divided. Just as a parent can love another child without taking love away from their other children, an adoptee can love another mother, father, grandparent, sibling, etc. without taking any love away from the adoptive family. If you have loved and been loved by your adoptive family, that love does not go away in reunion.

I'm going to go check out your blog now so I can follow your journey in reunion! Good luck and best wishes to you, and both of your families!
Comment by Kyle Harris on November 2, 2010 at 5:22pm
Thank you both for your comments. and Heather, you raise a lot of good points but I think what it all comes down to is if I am the one whos ready. My adoptive parents know what I'm doing and they support me, but thankfully the adoption agency in which I was placed helps out with the entire process, giving me counseling and helping me through my journey. They're very supportive and I am blessed to have so many people who support my decision! Do I know what to expect? Ofcourse not, but I'm willing to find out. If i don't find her on this earth, I know i'll see her in heaven so that gives me hope even more. My birthmother wrote in the letter, "Believe it and it will happen". I believe 100% in my heart that this is what I'm supposed to do and so I'm holding tight to her words. I think we all come from different walks of life so we all see this issue differently. This is just the way i see it. :)
Comment by Deesmom on November 2, 2010 at 12:01pm
Kyle...I'm adopted and have adopted. I'm curious as to what your "what ifs" are and what other questions or information you are thinking you'll find by searching/finding your birth parents?
We as adoptees can drive ourselves crazy thinking about what if I was raised by my biological parents....but really..what good is that going to do you and how is it going to help you on this journey we call life? I mean...you're over 19 now right? You'll never be able to recapture your growing up years and to dwell on the past....will not help your present.
I wonder if you've thought about the down side of searching compared to the up side? What if she doesn't want to be found or what if she won't give you the answers you've so desperately wanted to have the answers too?
I'm not sure what all was in the letter your biological mother wrote you...perhaps she said for you to find her when you were of age....but time has passed and you have to stop and think....finding her won't just affect you......it affects everyone that knows you.....Have you thought about how you'd deal with finding out your biological parent doesn't want to keep in touch with you? Or how finding them might affect the relationship you have with your parents?
Have you asked your adoptive parents how they feel about your journey? I think a lot of adoptees are protective of their parents because, afterall, they were the ones who raised, loved and cared for them.
I use to have the burning desire to find out my biological parents...I wanted to know why they gave me up.....do I have siblings.....do they think about me and what do they look like? These are still valid questions in my life....but not as important because I understand now more so than ever that the outcome to me finding my biological parents could be something I'm not prepared for....or will never ever be prepared for. Rejection.....Embarrassment....or a possible relationship.
SO many different scenarios to think about....
Holla if you want to talk sometime about this.
Heather

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