Domestic or International ?!~~Knowing which is right for you.........

As a birth mom that relinquished a child for adoption and not being able to conceive again, that choice was made for me without question. Obviously, I have total respect for a birth mom's (and dad's) right to decide for herself and her child. I had 6 months to change my mind and take my child back from the family that had brought her into their home ~ their lives. I couldn't do that.

My grief with relinquishing my child was long lived and I didn't think I could adopt because of the pain that I had been through. After many years of infertitlity treatment, I was going through my third attempt at IVF when I was punctured in a routine procedure. I spent 17 days in the hospital, was rushed to emergency surgery and lost a tube and an ovary. I was within 6 hours of death when I went into surgery and my recovery time was long. I did grief counseling because I knew then that I would not conceive another child.

I knew I had to let go of the pain and anger and also of my birth daughter. She had a family that loved her and I needed closure and to move on with my life. I started praying for God to help me let go and after 18 months that prayer was answered. I woke one day and knew that I could adopt ~ and for all the right reasons!! I felt re-born.

I knew that I could not endure a domestic adoption because if the birth mother changed her mind, I just couldn't handle it. We researched the various countries and chose Guatemala. Sophia was born in July 2002 and when we went down there for the first time and they put her in my arms ~ I felt numb. All of a sudden I was terrified and cried for practically that whole trip. I just went through the motions of taking care of the baby. Luckily I knew what was happening ~ it was old baggage rising to the surface with my own experience of my birth child. I needed to go home and ground myself and see my Dr. which is exactly what I did. My Dr. told me his sister went through the same emotions after giving birth to her second child. She too had relinquished her first child. We went back down 4 weeks later and I fell head over heels in love with my baby girl!!

I adopted my second child in 2006, this time as a single parent ~ another girl Gabriella. I also started a doll company that same year which features dolls from around the world @ www.preciousbabydolls.com

If anyone feels that they couldn't love a child of a differnt race, I ask you to go within and listen to your heart. I lay down by my babies at night and give thanks. Often tears stream down my face with gratitude and I couldn't love them more had I given birth to them.

I also now have a loving realtionship with my birth daughter and she is a beautiful caring young woman. I give thanks to the parents that raised and loved her.