Adoption Voices

Long Overdue Update--the Happy, the Sad, and Life After

What can I say about the months since we have adopted Karolynn?  She is beautiful, and amazing, and now 7 months old.  :-)  She has brought so much joy to our lives.  She's now rolling around the room to wherever she wants to go, has two teeth, and has managed to use Da-Da and Bu-Bu pretty fluently to get the attention of the men in the house.  She said Ma-Ma when she was 6 weeks old (yes, you read that right) and used it occassionally to get my attention since then, but doesn't use it as often in her daily speech as the other names.  She has amazing strawberry blond hair that is thin and whispy, but that stands straight up on her head like a mohawk, and she loves to play with it while she goes to sleep. 
Her brother absolutely adores her.  Christopher loves messing around and making Karolynn laugh.  He has to have his snuggle time in the morning and at night, so the first thing he does is hold his sister and kiss her, and the last thing he does most nights before he goes to sleep is hold and hug and love on his sister.  He can't wait until she really starts to moving so that she can "play" with him.  I hate to tell him that she will be playing in all the wrong ways with most of his toys, but he's seven now.  He'll figure that out soon enough.  Right now he is just enjoying every step of her development right along with us.

Now, for some of the sad.

I never posted on here that we found out we were pregnant July 4th weekend last year.  It was completely unplanned and out of the blue--a total shock.  We had lost another adoption opportunity at the end of May, and decided that we were going to move:  maybe a bigger house would allow us to look at other adoption options.  So we cleaned up our house and put it on the  market, left for a little family vacation to Randy's folks, and then came back home.  It was over vacation that the deed had been done, and a new fate was forming in my belly.  The best laid plans, right?

We were happy, but cautious, as we had never experienced a successful pregnancy.  We got past 8 weeks, and saw the heartbeat.  We made it past 12 weeks, and heard the heartbeat.  We were approaching 20 weeks, and were so sure everything would be fine.  But at the beginning of my 19th week, things went wrong.  My cervix started opening, and even after a cerclage to close it, my water broke anyway.  I gave birth to our son, Samson Paul, on October 15, 2010.  He weighted less than one pound.  He lived for 10 minutes. 

This, along with moving in September, was the final blow to a lot of changes in our life in a very short period of time.  It has been a long five months since Samson has gone.  His brother still misses him and wishes he could be here with us.  We all do.  But we also know how blessed we are to have our two beautiful children.  We've been through A LOT.  If you have experienced this kind of grief, you know what I mean.  With children, it is even  more challenging.  I've never seen my son so mad, so hurt, or so frustrated in his entire life.  Graciously, Karolynn will be too young to ever remember this part of her life.

We are going to continue to grow as a family, and try to tighten our bonds with our children each day.  We are also trying to support other parents and families who have experienced a loss like our's.  If you are a member of Facebook, please take a moment to come visit our family project community page.  It is called "Samson's Strength for Angel Babies."  Our activity is making preemie clothing, blankets, and other personal items for hospitals to share with families like our's who have babies too soon for this world.  If you crochet, knit, or sew, and would like to join us, you are invited to join.  Or if you just want to know how things in our life are going, you will probably be updated more often there than here.  I can only keep up with so many blogs.  :-) 

May God bless you in your adoption journey, wherever that may be.  We are still considering adopting again, but I want to finish my masters degree first this year.  Then we may be at it again.  Another child will not replace our Samson, but we still feel we have more love to give.

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