My Journey Through Motherhood as a Birth Mother
At 19 I found myself pregnant by way of tetracycoline. My dentist gave me the anitbiotic out of the office, samples, and never asked if I was on birth control. The father of the baby was a great guy, however it was apparent at the time that we were not going the distance. I went the preganacy alone and had one hell of an experience with the State of Missouri. Horrible treatment of birth mothers there! The evil woman of a social worker told me one month before I was due that I would not be placing the baby with the parents that I chose because I knew their phone number and where they lived and that was not how MO did adoptions. She demanded that I find a new agency, new parents and not know anything about my child. One month before my due date, nice timing! She made me feel like a criminal. She scared the s*** out of me and I left there a complete mess. My mother was ready to go postal on those people in that office, very Aurora Greenway in "Terms of Endearment". Lucky for me the parents that I HAD chosen in the first place were lawyers themselves and they made sure we found an agency that would take them and not give us any trouble about it. Believe me, half of the girls in that state that have babies and keep them after "changing their minds" are bullied into thinking they are some terrible person for wanting to place their child for adoption. I say this because I know of two girls that that happened to and, they will tell you to this day that they were meant to feel like whores and were pushed into keeping the babies. It really is sad and unfortunately those are usually the stories that you hear about in the media, all negativity toward the birth mothers who come back and want the baby or who change their minds at the last minute.
I had my daughter and was able to give her to the parents that I wanted. I told them that all I wanted in exchange was for them to send me pictures and let me know how and who she was. They went far beyond that, they let her be a part of my life and me a part of hers. I have seen her as she has grown...babysitting her, hanging with her at lunch when they were in my home town, my mother was able to go shopping with her to buy her first communion gown. When I sent out the announcements that my boyfirend had proposed, my daughter called me and asked if she could be in my wedding...that was a dream fulfilled right there! She was my Junior Bridesmaid and she walked up the isle just before I did, not a dry eye in the place. The last time I saw her was two years ago Mother's Day weekend at a family wedding. The room was filled with anticipation and when she got there it was like the paparazzi covering Brittany Spears! Pictures of us embracing for what was an eternity, we had not seen each other since my mother's memorial (again, how lucky am I that they drove all the way to my home town be there for me in my time of sorrow?) which was a lapse of 6 years...the longest we had ever gone without seeing each other. We danced and talked and danced. It was amazing! She just graduated in May and is going to college this fall. I sent her this book before I decided to publish it. She loves it and is very excited that I am going to tell my story to the world. I hope that this book can help children everywhere with their feelings about being adopted.
I had her when I had just turned 20 and my relationship with my boyfriend began around July '91. Bruce had been such a good friend for many years, we were just starting our relationship and it was really working. Early '92 I find out we are pregnant and am thrilled because I know that we are meant to be together. Then the doctor said "My dear there are two...you are having twins" and my heart sank. Twins are much different than just one baby. He was 19, I was 21 and neither of us had a carreer, a home or apartment, or a savings account. We knew that adoption was the option that was best for that situation. He knew that I knew what I was doing and he trusted me the whole way. I insisted on moving to California because there was NO WAY I was going to be badgered like I was in the first adoption. My cousins had just adopted a baby there and knew the connections that I needed to start the process. My man stayed in STL and worked so that he could save for his schooling and I lived in California while I was pregnant. I met with three different couples and chose a wonderful couple that had been trying to have a family of their own for several years. They had been married for a while at that point and I thought to myself...here is the reason that God is making me do this for a second time, these people need me to fulfill their dreams of becoming parents. I spoke to my boyfriend about all the couples and we both decided to choose the couple that I liked. I again made it clear that I would need pictures and updates to which they have complied all of these years. I have not seen the twins since they were born but I know who they are becuase their parents tell me about them in letters.
I am one lucky woman to have had these wonderful parents take care of my heart all of these years. My man stood by me and several years later asked for my hand in marriage and we have been happy ever since. Our own sons know who their siblings are and they are perfectly fine with all of it. They are more than willing to tell people all about their brave parents and what we have done. It is great to see your own children singing YOUR praises!
I really think that my book The Best For You can change the way people think about adoption and birth mothers. It can help kids understand some of the logic that their mothers were thinking in making this monumental decision, it can help adult adoptees if they are still searching for answers, it can help adoptive parents understand what the woman who gave them their child might have went through, it can help pregnant girls out there now understand that even though it is a difficult decision and nothing about it will be easy...you can still continue life and find fulfillment like I have. I have many positive things to tell about adoption and can only hope that this book will allow me to do that.
I have my own family to love and who love me and the Man upstairs has rewarded me handsomely for my giving heart. The last page of my book there is a sentence that says..."Adoption is God's love given twice." That is how I look at it...he gave me the strength, courage and love that it takes to turn around and say...here is a family of your own.
Thank you for reading my story. I sure am proud of what I have done and am even prouder that I had such an amazing influence in my life like my mother who made me the person that I am.
Kelsey Stewart
Recent Ventura County Star News Article
I had my daughter and was able to give her to the parents that I wanted. I told them that all I wanted in exchange was for them to send me pictures and let me know how and who she was. They went far beyond that, they let her be a part of my life and me a part of hers. I have seen her as she has grown...babysitting her, hanging with her at lunch when they were in my home town, my mother was able to go shopping with her to buy her first communion gown. When I sent out the announcements that my boyfirend had proposed, my daughter called me and asked if she could be in my wedding...that was a dream fulfilled right there! She was my Junior Bridesmaid and she walked up the isle just before I did, not a dry eye in the place. The last time I saw her was two years ago Mother's Day weekend at a family wedding. The room was filled with anticipation and when she got there it was like the paparazzi covering Brittany Spears! Pictures of us embracing for what was an eternity, we had not seen each other since my mother's memorial (again, how lucky am I that they drove all the way to my home town be there for me in my time of sorrow?) which was a lapse of 6 years...the longest we had ever gone without seeing each other. We danced and talked and danced. It was amazing! She just graduated in May and is going to college this fall. I sent her this book before I decided to publish it. She loves it and is very excited that I am going to tell my story to the world. I hope that this book can help children everywhere with their feelings about being adopted.
I had her when I had just turned 20 and my relationship with my boyfriend began around July '91. Bruce had been such a good friend for many years, we were just starting our relationship and it was really working. Early '92 I find out we are pregnant and am thrilled because I know that we are meant to be together. Then the doctor said "My dear there are two...you are having twins" and my heart sank. Twins are much different than just one baby. He was 19, I was 21 and neither of us had a carreer, a home or apartment, or a savings account. We knew that adoption was the option that was best for that situation. He knew that I knew what I was doing and he trusted me the whole way. I insisted on moving to California because there was NO WAY I was going to be badgered like I was in the first adoption. My cousins had just adopted a baby there and knew the connections that I needed to start the process. My man stayed in STL and worked so that he could save for his schooling and I lived in California while I was pregnant. I met with three different couples and chose a wonderful couple that had been trying to have a family of their own for several years. They had been married for a while at that point and I thought to myself...here is the reason that God is making me do this for a second time, these people need me to fulfill their dreams of becoming parents. I spoke to my boyfriend about all the couples and we both decided to choose the couple that I liked. I again made it clear that I would need pictures and updates to which they have complied all of these years. I have not seen the twins since they were born but I know who they are becuase their parents tell me about them in letters.
I am one lucky woman to have had these wonderful parents take care of my heart all of these years. My man stood by me and several years later asked for my hand in marriage and we have been happy ever since. Our own sons know who their siblings are and they are perfectly fine with all of it. They are more than willing to tell people all about their brave parents and what we have done. It is great to see your own children singing YOUR praises!
I really think that my book The Best For You can change the way people think about adoption and birth mothers. It can help kids understand some of the logic that their mothers were thinking in making this monumental decision, it can help adult adoptees if they are still searching for answers, it can help adoptive parents understand what the woman who gave them their child might have went through, it can help pregnant girls out there now understand that even though it is a difficult decision and nothing about it will be easy...you can still continue life and find fulfillment like I have. I have many positive things to tell about adoption and can only hope that this book will allow me to do that.
I have my own family to love and who love me and the Man upstairs has rewarded me handsomely for my giving heart. The last page of my book there is a sentence that says..."Adoption is God's love given twice." That is how I look at it...he gave me the strength, courage and love that it takes to turn around and say...here is a family of your own.
Thank you for reading my story. I sure am proud of what I have done and am even prouder that I had such an amazing influence in my life like my mother who made me the person that I am.
Kelsey Stewart
Recent Ventura County Star News Article
Views: 14
Comment
© 2012 Created by Adoption Voices.
You need to be a member of Adoption Voices to add comments!
Join Adoption Voices