Sibling Separation and Sibling Contact
Because of the very nature of adoption, virtually all adopted children have experienced separation and loss. Sadly, when children are adopted from foster care, they are often separated from birth siblings that they know and love. Adoptive parents must decide whether to continue contact with their child’s birth siblings.
Parents should keep in mind that the sibling relationship is generally the longest relationship a person has in life; longer than the relationship with one’s child, parent, or spouse.
I am an advocate of maintaining the sibling relationship as much as possible. Occasionally this is not advisable due to emotional and physical safety concerns. To determine what is best for their child and their family, parents need to consider why the siblings have been separated, what the long-term effects of separation might be, and any risks associated with maintaining contact.
We have chosen to maintain contact with our daughter’s siblings. She missed them desperately, and she had already lost so much in her short life. I know that many adoptees feel like a piece of them is missing when they do not know a single other person related to them by birth. Others are thrilled to meet their birth siblings as adults, but tormented over the all the years they missed. This will sound selfish, perhaps, but I don’t want my daughter to say to me as an adult, “You could have let me see them and you didn’t?
Below are some links to resources on the topics of sibling separation and maintaining sibling contact.
Resources
Keeping Siblings Connected
Through the Eyes of a Child
http://www.nacac.org/adoptalk/siblingrelationship.html
Parents should keep in mind that the sibling relationship is generally the longest relationship a person has in life; longer than the relationship with one’s child, parent, or spouse.
I am an advocate of maintaining the sibling relationship as much as possible. Occasionally this is not advisable due to emotional and physical safety concerns. To determine what is best for their child and their family, parents need to consider why the siblings have been separated, what the long-term effects of separation might be, and any risks associated with maintaining contact.
We have chosen to maintain contact with our daughter’s siblings. She missed them desperately, and she had already lost so much in her short life. I know that many adoptees feel like a piece of them is missing when they do not know a single other person related to them by birth. Others are thrilled to meet their birth siblings as adults, but tormented over the all the years they missed. This will sound selfish, perhaps, but I don’t want my daughter to say to me as an adult, “You could have let me see them and you didn’t?
Below are some links to resources on the topics of sibling separation and maintaining sibling contact.
Resources
Keeping Siblings Connected
Through the Eyes of a Child
http://www.nacac.org/adoptalk/siblingrelationship.html
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Comment
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Comment by Holly Kaufman on January 6, 2010 at 11:59am -
We adopted our daughter through private adoption at her birth. We have made it a priority to stay in contact with her birthmother and her birth half-siblings. They attend our daughter's birthday parties and we talk to them throughout the year. I, like you, do not want to have to look at my daughter one day and try to explain why I kept her from her brothers and sister. They are our family now, too. Our daughter is 6 now, and she loves her two big brothers and her big sister very much.
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