Adoptee

What To Do When Adoption Gets Tough

You’ve made the decision to adopt and you couldn’t be more excited about your future. You have images running through your imagination day and night of what it will finally feel like to hold your child in your arms, knowing that you’re going to be the best parent you can be. The journey here was tough, but the day has finally come. Filled with excitement and anticipation of all the amazing things that lay ahead of you, life can’t feel much better at the moment.

And then you hit a roadblock.

It’s like being thrown off of your bicycle at 150 mph face first into a mud puddle and slowly sink neck deep; you have no idea how it happened because it happened so quickly, but there you are, struggling to understand what happened and wrap your mind around it and struggling to get to your feet.

I’d love to be able to tell any adoptive parent-to-be that every adoption is magical and perfect and it’s like a scene out of the most beloved movie you’ve ever seen, but unfortunately, I can’t tell you that in good conscience. What I can tell you is the truth.

Like every other aspect of your life and the decisions you make every day, the path to becoming a parent after making the decision to adopt can be filled with a lot of things you never expected. Some of the obstacles are mild while others might make you challenge your decision to proceed. Rest assured though, if you have enough love in your heart to want to bring a child into your home, the love and support of family and friends, the support and dedication of your adoption agency or team, every obstacle in your way will only be a stepping stone in your journey of making your vision a reality. 

Focus on what’s important when facing each difficulty – most likely if you’ve made the decision to adopt the thing that will be most important is to have your own child to love, adore and raise. Try to remain calm, cool and collected and make sure you’re gathering the right facts about the given situation so that you’ll best know how to proceed. Remember to always talk to others: your family and friends, your support group, your adoption team, get their input; it’s okay to ask for help. Find ways to completely understand the situation in order to overcome and move on.

I can tell you from my own personal experience, my husband and I hit a few pretty big hazards in our own story, some brought me to my knees in excruciating pain while others were just simple little nothings. Looking back on it now, some of the smallest trials seemed like mountains at the time. We were really blessed to have a lot of people in our corner, a lot of love from family and friends, and significant support, encouragement and, guidance from our adoption counselor. Our counselor was a huge asset to have in our corner, helping us through every single step of the way to understand what we were facing, how to best approach and resolve each issue as it came, and what our options were once we made our decision on any given situation. Having the right support from the right people will make all the difference in your story.

Just remember, you’ve already made the biggest decision: the decision to adopt a child. everything that follows after that decision will all be part of your story. Being a parent is more amazing than mere words can ever express.