1. Stereotypes

When we see adoption in media such as tv shows and movies, it is often shown in the context that a child placed for adoption is in need of rescue. The birth family is typically displayed as neglectful, dirty, cold, and heartless. The child is often shown as dirty and abused. While neglect does happen, many children who are placed for adoption have birth parents who love them deeply. The decision to place a child does not come from a place of not wanting their child or not loving them. Many birth parents are not substance abusers nor are all of them in poverty as the media might have us believe.

Adoption often changes these stereotypes and makes our understanding and love for birth parents grow. Understanding that, more often than not, birth parents are looking at the best interest of their child is enormous in changing the hearts of those who believe poor media stereotypes. I cannot count how many times people have been shocked by how wonderful their child’s birth parents are. This is largely the reason why open adoption is becoming much more popular. As these stereotypes are being shattered, people’s minds and hearts towards birth parents and open adoption are changing dramatically. 

2. Family Acceptance

When my family first learned we would adopt, I remember being slightly discouraged at how unexcited they were. It wasn’t that they were not happy for us, however, they did not know what to expect. It seemed there was a bit of a fear that they may not feel the same for children who were adopted as they would children who had been born into the family. It was not a malicious feeling, just a normal anxiety.

I sat with my mother yesterday, watching my youngest son jump in mud puddles. We adopted him at birth and he has been the light of our life ever since. While he may not look like us, he is every bit of a member of the family. My mom noted in this moment that she has been worried about how she might feel once he came home, however she now cannot imagine life without him. Adoption changes the hearts of family members who may think that love only comes from DNA. Love is born in many ways and nurtured through time.

3. The Image of Family

My youngest two children have two moms. They have two dads and four grandmas. They have countless siblings, some of whom I am not the mother to, and too many cousins to count. Adoption creates families. That is easily understood by anyone. However, adoption is not the destruction of one family to begin another. Some view adoption as a “new life.” Yet, my children had a life before me. They had a family before me. Though they were adopted very young, their story began before me and should not have to end for my pride.

I did not understand before adoption how I would “share” my children. How do I bear to share the title of “mom”? Yet, she is their mom and her relationship will be very different than the one they have with me. It does not hurt me in any way that they have more people to love them. My heart changed as I understood the importance of letting their story continue instead of making it start over. Adoption should expand family and love, not break it to begin anew.

Are you considering adoption and want to give your child the best life possible? Let us help you find an adoptive family that you love. Visit Adoption.org or call 1-800-ADOPT-98.

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In most states, adoptions require that the birth father’s consent be given if possible. If the birth mother does not know or claims to not know who the birth father is or where he is, it is typically required that an advertisement be placed in the local paper asking for the father to come forward. It is usually required that this ad run for 30 days. 

If the ad remains unanswered, a father’s rights may be terminated. If the ad is answered, a father typically has to prove his fitness to parent. Herein lies a large argument of those who feel that birth fathers to do have equal rights. A birth mother simply has to assert her right to parent if she decides not to place her child. She is not required to prove her fitness as a parent or fight for her child.

Even if the birth father knows about the pregnancy and asserts his right to parent, it is still not as simple as simply choosing to parent. If the potential birth mother wants to place her child for adoption, the father again has to prove that he can provide a home for the child, his parental fitness, and his ability to provide for the mother during her pregnancy. These requirements may be especially hard and biased against teenage birth fathers. If the birth father cannot provide adequately for mother and child based on the standards of the court, he may not have any say in his child being placed. While birth fathers do have rights in adoption and the courts are beginning to rule more in favor of family, the rights of birth fathers have a long way to go to be equal or comparable to the rights of birth mothers.

Are you considering placing a child for adoption? Do you want more choices with your adoption plan? Do you want to regain more control in your life? Visit Adoption.org or call 1-800-ADOPT-98. We can help you put together an adoption plan that best meets your needs.

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In a typical adoption, if a birth father is not aware of the pregnancy, he really has no way of knowing his child may be placed for adoption. A birth mother can simply state she doesn’t know who the father is. In this case, an ad will be placed in the classified section of a newspaper, typically for 30 days, to see if there is any response. This whole process is quite ridiculous and underhanded in my opinion. Who reads the newspaper classifieds anymore? What are the chances a birth father would see the ad? Even if he does, in most cases he will have to petition for custody of his child to stop the adoption proceedings and show that he can provide for the child and the mother during the pregnancy. A birth mother would simply be able to parent, no questions asked. Fathers are required to prove themselves to the state. 

If a birth father is involved with the adoption placement and even provides his consent, there are little to no services provided to him. While a birth mother may receive compensation for living expenses, counseling, and other services, the birth father is needed for consent and usually nothing else. The birth father is not often included in talks about open adoption, selecting prospective adoptive parents, etc unless the birth mother makes this request.

Just as a birth mother is no less a mother because she chooses to place her child, a birth father is still the child’s father as well. While there are adoptions that occur where one or both birth parents are not involved or need to have limited rights for safety reasons, many times both birth parents are placing out of a love for their child and a place of necessity. Fathers should not be treated as second class when it comes to their importance to the adoption process or their importance to their children simply because that has what society has always demanded. It is time for change in the rights of fathers who want the right to be heard and love their children.

Are you considering adoption and want to give your child the best life possible? Let us help you find an adoptive family that you love. Visit Adoption.org or call 1-800-ADOPT-98.

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