And then you hit a roadblock.

It’s like being thrown off of your bicycle at 150 mph face first into a mud puddle and slowly sink neck deep; you have no idea how it happened because it happened so quickly, but there you are, struggling to understand what happened and wrap your mind around it and struggling to get to your feet.

I’d love to be able to tell any adoptive parent-to-be that every adoption is magical and perfect and it’s like a scene out of the most beloved movie you’ve ever seen, but unfortunately, I can’t tell you that in good conscience. What I can tell you is the truth.

Like every other aspect of your life and the decisions you make every day, the path to becoming a parent after making the decision to adopt can be filled with a lot of things you never expected. Some of the obstacles are mild while others might make you challenge your decision to proceed. Rest assured though, if you have enough love in your heart to want to bring a child into your home, the love and support of family and friends, the support and dedication of your adoption agency or team, every obstacle in your way will only be a stepping stone in your journey of making your vision a reality. 

Focus on what’s important when facing each difficulty – most likely if you’ve made the decision to adopt the thing that will be most important is to have your own child to love, adore and raise. Try to remain calm, cool and collected and make sure you’re gathering the right facts about the given situation so that you’ll best know how to proceed. Remember to always talk to others: your family and friends, your support group, your adoption team, get their input; it’s okay to ask for help. Find ways to completely understand the situation in order to overcome and move on.

I can tell you from my own personal experience, my husband and I hit a few pretty big hazards in our own story, some brought me to my knees in excruciating pain while others were just simple little nothings. Looking back on it now, some of the smallest trials seemed like mountains at the time. We were really blessed to have a lot of people in our corner, a lot of love from family and friends, and significant support, encouragement and, guidance from our adoption counselor. Our counselor was a huge asset to have in our corner, helping us through every single step of the way to understand what we were facing, how to best approach and resolve each issue as it came, and what our options were once we made our decision on any given situation. Having the right support from the right people will make all the difference in your story.

Just remember, you’ve already made the biggest decision: the decision to adopt a child. everything that follows after that decision will all be part of your story. Being a parent is more amazing than mere words can ever express.

Considering adoption? Let us help you on your journey to creating your forever family. Visit Adoption.org or call 1-800-ADOPT-98.

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1. Stereotypes

When we see adoption in media such as tv shows and movies, it is often shown in the context that a child placed for adoption is in need of rescue. The birth family is typically displayed as neglectful, dirty, cold, and heartless. The child is often shown as dirty and abused. While neglect does happen, many children who are placed for adoption have birth parents who love them deeply. The decision to place a child does not come from a place of not wanting their child or not loving them. Many birth parents are not substance abusers nor are all of them in poverty as the media might have us believe.

Adoption often changes these stereotypes and makes our understanding and love for birth parents grow. Understanding that, more often than not, birth parents are looking at the best interest of their child is enormous in changing the hearts of those who believe poor media stereotypes. I cannot count how many times people have been shocked by how wonderful their child’s birth parents are. This is largely the reason why open adoption is becoming much more popular. As these stereotypes are being shattered, people’s minds and hearts towards birth parents and open adoption are changing dramatically. 

2. Family Acceptance

When my family first learned we would adopt, I remember being slightly discouraged at how unexcited they were. It wasn’t that they were not happy for us, however, they did not know what to expect. It seemed there was a bit of a fear that they may not feel the same for children who were adopted as they would children who had been born into the family. It was not a malicious feeling, just a normal anxiety.

I sat with my mother yesterday, watching my youngest son jump in mud puddles. We adopted him at birth and he has been the light of our life ever since. While he may not look like us, he is every bit of a member of the family. My mom noted in this moment that she has been worried about how she might feel once he came home, however she now cannot imagine life without him. Adoption changes the hearts of family members who may think that love only comes from DNA. Love is born in many ways and nurtured through time.

3. The Image of Family

My youngest two children have two moms. They have two dads and four grandmas. They have countless siblings, some of whom I am not the mother to, and too many cousins to count. Adoption creates families. That is easily understood by anyone. However, adoption is not the destruction of one family to begin another. Some view adoption as a “new life.” Yet, my children had a life before me. They had a family before me. Though they were adopted very young, their story began before me and should not have to end for my pride.

I did not understand before adoption how I would “share” my children. How do I bear to share the title of “mom”? Yet, she is their mom and her relationship will be very different than the one they have with me. It does not hurt me in any way that they have more people to love them. My heart changed as I understood the importance of letting their story continue instead of making it start over. Adoption should expand family and love, not break it to begin anew.

Are you considering adoption and want to give your child the best life possible? Let us help you find an adoptive family that you love. Visit Adoption.org or call 1-800-ADOPT-98.

The post Three Ways Adoption Changes Hearts appeared first on Adoption Voices | Quotes, Stories, Process, Adopt a baby.

1. Deciding to Adopt

Beginning the process of adoption is filled with all the emotions of hope, longing, and the beautiful fulfillment of (for me) a lifelong dream of being a mother. My hubby wasn’t exactly on board for about the first 15 or so years that I would bring up adoption, so the day he finally said yes, I ran with it.  You have the exhilaration of the beginning of a wonderful voyage and the frustration of researching the best avenue for your family.

2. The Home Study Process

Once you have filled out reams and reams of paper, you will finally have a home visit. You’ll clean like a madman, and you’ll need the adrenaline and good vibes to get you through that. Once the social workers leave you’ll begin to worry that the back hall closet wasn’t organized just right and that maybe your hair will make you the wrong kind of mom. Sounds preposterous, right? Welcome to the roller coaster.

3. The Matching Process

Depending on what type of adoption you pursue, and what agency you choose, there will be some safeguards in place. We decided ahead of time that we were worried about certain types of exposure and wanted to be asked whether we were shown to a prospective birth mom. Just knowing that there’s a possibility of a baby out there for you, it’s the best feeling in the world. And you will be on Cloud 9. Once you start processing all the information, whether you feel you can take on two sets of twins, work full time, find daycare for them, and your three-year-old son and their special needs, you’ll feel the soaring highs and the despairing lows realizing that perhaps five kids ages 3 and under is a bit much. 

4. Saying No

For us, this was the ultimate difficulty. Knowing that we just didn’t live in an area with enough resources, that we were only two people with too little experience, and a young son to consider as well. Knowing that you just aren’t the right parents for a certain little one after numerous calls to your pediatrician, therapists, experienced friends. The guilt nearly killed us every time.

5. The Match and Placement

There is no high as high as knowing that you have been chosen to parent a child. Whether matched with a birth mother, or by a social worker with a toddler you never knew you needed, it’s a beautiful day. The joy of knowing that you have a very short time to prepare for the arrival of your child. Buying an entire nursery in a matter of a day to make sure you’ll be ready for this new little one. Pulling out bins and bins of clothes, not knowing what size you’ll need, to make sure this little guy feels safe and loved. Then that magical day when you see his or her face for the first time. Knowing that the path to you has been paved in heartache but the happiness of home lies ahead. Holding them, feeding them, every single first you can think of. It is the ultimate culmination of fear, trepidation, joy, ignorant bliss.

Do you feel there is a hole in your heart that can only be filled by a child? We’ve helped complete 32,000+ adoptions. We would love to help you through your adoption journey. Visit Adoption.org or call 1-800-ADOPT-98.

The post Top Ways Adoption is like a Roller Coaster appeared first on Adoption Voices | Quotes, Stories, Process, Adopt a baby.

1. Be open about your adoption experience.

I’ve found that one of the best ways to be a voice for adoption is to be open about your adoption journey. I love it when people ask me questions so that I can encourage them in their journey or possibly even correct thoughts and perceptions that people may have towards adoption. However open I may be, I am careful not to tell every detail of my boys’ stories. Adoption comes from a hard place no matter the circumstances of the adoption. The “hard to understand stuff” is part of their story, but it is THEIR story to tell when they are old enough to decide if they want to share. Being open is wonderful, just remember to do it with tact and grace and remember that not all the dirty laundry needs to be aired.

2. Educate yourself.

In order to talk intelligently about adoption, you need to keep up to date with popular adoption stories, facts, and trends. Once people learn that you have adopted, they will ask your thoughts on current adoption events.  Reading adoption articles or books helps you to compare varying viewpoints and learn about other facets of the adoption experience that may be different than your own. 

3. Find a writing or speaking platform.

Maybe you are good with words, written or oral. Take the things that you know about adoption and encourage others worldwide. Start a blog that focuses on adoption or become a freelance writer for a company that focuses on all aspects of adoption. You could even write a book detailing your adoption story. Once you develop a platform, opportunities may arise for you to speak to groups about adoption culture and your journey. You have a voice, use it.

4. Support other adoptive families.

Think back to when you were beginning your adoption journey. What support did you receive from your community? What support was lacking and you wished had been there? You can help those new to the adoption journey by

• supporting the fundraising endeavors of prospective adoptive parents
• offering to make meals or help with laundry/housework when they arrive home with their newly adopted child
• reminding the adoptive family that you are praying for them
• joining an adoption support group or Facebook group to surround yourself with others in the adoption community

You may think that your experience and knowledge is not important. Any time that you can speak a positive word for adoption and promote understanding of adoption culture, you can make a difference. You never know how your story may be the one that encourages a family to step out and change a child’s life forever.

The post How to Be A Voice for the Adoption Community appeared first on Adoption Voices | Quotes, Stories, Process, Adopt a baby.