Birth Parents

How to Handle Grief after Placing Your Child

Placing a child for adoption brings with it a different kind of grief. You may be surprised to even be grieving; after all, it was your decision to place the child for adoption. I was quite sure I was doing the right thing for my child even after placing him for adoption. On the other hand – I just went through nine months of carrying a child and had no little hand to hold, no sweet baby smell to breathe, no small voice to listen to. I cried after all.

Acknowledge each step. Allow yourself to feel it, and then move on to something good! Sometimes that takes some work. Here are six steps to take you in the right direction.

1.  Talk to someone who has walked where you are. There is a benefit to social media. It is fairly simple to find like-minded people out there. Find them! Lean on one another and share strength.

2. Consider seeing a counselor and work through not just your grief, but also a plan for your future.

3. Serve somewhere. It is almost impossible to be depressed when you are serving others. Opportunities abound in every neighborhood. Find somewhere to use your talents. 

4. Write it down. Don’t hold it all inside. Let it out and write it down. Writing is cathartic, but so is reading it later.

5. Get busy. Go back to school, get a new job, or take up a new hobby! Fill the time with something that will take you in a positive direction.

6. Stay away from negative influences. Grief can pull you down far enough don’t let negative people or habits make things worse.

Grieving isn’t going to just go away. It is something that needs to be treated and attacked. You have done something wonderful, now it is time to purposefully attack life and make it wonderful.