And then you hit a roadblock.

It’s like being thrown off of your bicycle at 150 mph face first into a mud puddle and slowly sink neck deep; you have no idea how it happened because it happened so quickly, but there you are, struggling to understand what happened and wrap your mind around it and struggling to get to your feet.

I’d love to be able to tell any adoptive parent-to-be that every adoption is magical and perfect and it’s like a scene out of the most beloved movie you’ve ever seen, but unfortunately, I can’t tell you that in good conscience. What I can tell you is the truth.

Like every other aspect of your life and the decisions you make every day, the path to becoming a parent after making the decision to adopt can be filled with a lot of things you never expected. Some of the obstacles are mild while others might make you challenge your decision to proceed. Rest assured though, if you have enough love in your heart to want to bring a child into your home, the love and support of family and friends, the support and dedication of your adoption agency or team, every obstacle in your way will only be a stepping stone in your journey of making your vision a reality. 

Focus on what’s important when facing each difficulty – most likely if you’ve made the decision to adopt the thing that will be most important is to have your own child to love, adore and raise. Try to remain calm, cool and collected and make sure you’re gathering the right facts about the given situation so that you’ll best know how to proceed. Remember to always talk to others: your family and friends, your support group, your adoption team, get their input; it’s okay to ask for help. Find ways to completely understand the situation in order to overcome and move on.

I can tell you from my own personal experience, my husband and I hit a few pretty big hazards in our own story, some brought me to my knees in excruciating pain while others were just simple little nothings. Looking back on it now, some of the smallest trials seemed like mountains at the time. We were really blessed to have a lot of people in our corner, a lot of love from family and friends, and significant support, encouragement and, guidance from our adoption counselor. Our counselor was a huge asset to have in our corner, helping us through every single step of the way to understand what we were facing, how to best approach and resolve each issue as it came, and what our options were once we made our decision on any given situation. Having the right support from the right people will make all the difference in your story.

Just remember, you’ve already made the biggest decision: the decision to adopt a child. everything that follows after that decision will all be part of your story. Being a parent is more amazing than mere words can ever express.

Considering adoption? Let us help you on your journey to creating your forever family. Visit Adoption.org or call 1-800-ADOPT-98.

The post What To Do When Adoption Gets Tough appeared first on Adoption Voices | Quotes, Stories, Process, Adopt a baby.

It is true that adoption counselors aren’t garden fairies with magical wings and pixie dust, though it would make the entire process a bit more entertaining if they were. Instead, they are just people, like you or I, and when you find the perfect match, like we did, it may seem like that perfect fairy tale moment where the heavens open and angelic songs ring through the land. Finding the right counselor won’t just happen for you by accident…or maybe it will; ours did…it literally took a  car accident to lead us to our perfect counselor.

Our adoption fairy came to us at the unsolicited advice of a receptionist who got to know us after my husband had a very serious car accident. Over the course of several months, she got to know about us and learned we had decided to adopt. At that pivotal moment, she handed us what in essence was our magic card: it was the business card of our soon-to-be adoption counselor.

We had been researching and interviewing a good number of agencies and they were all the same; they just wanted our mailing address to ship a package…there wasn’t any time for questions. Our adoption fairy was completely different than all the rest…she was like finding your perfect wedding dress (ladies), or buying your dream car (gentlemen)…it was a natural, easy, magical connection instantly; we both just KNEW.

Regardless if I had a question–or my husband, my mother, or my mother-in-law–she provided us with an answer. We might not have always liked the answer; it wasn’t always the one we wanted or hoped to hear, but we knew it was always truthful and straightforward…and that was important to us.

1. Research is always key in anything you do in life, and with technology and the ease of finding anything you want to find on the computer, it is an essential first step.

2. Talk to people you know and trust, people who know you at your core and what makes you, you. Solicit their advice on their experiences. Heaven knows how many people I sent along to our own magical counselor.

3. Make sure you have a list of questions to ask about the important things you’re looking to find out about your counselor, the agency, and how business is conducted. It’s okay not to know where to start, but once you interview one or two, you should get an idea of what is truly important to you.

4. Go in and have a face-to-face meeting with the counselor; we did this several times. It’s amazing how a face-to-face interaction with you, your partner, and the potential counselor makes or breaks the deal.

5. And finally, go with your heart. If the angelic music is playing, the butterflies are lifting for flight in your stomach, and the heavens open up and smile upon you…odds are you’ve found the right match. Nobody can tell you what counselor will be best for you other than you.

Adoption is an emotional journey; there are so many highs and lows, unexpected questions, twists and turns. If you have done your due diligence and followed your heart, though, the right adoption counselor will be right beside you at every turn, and he/she will feel like they are your own personal adoption counselor.

After all these years, we still consider our counselor one of our very dearest friends.

The post 5 Tips for Finding a Good Adoption Counselor appeared first on Adoption Voices | Quotes, Stories, Process, Adopt a baby.

The enormous amount of support we received from family and friends was overwhelming at times and so genuinely appreciated, but one person, after 12 years, still stands out to me as being the one person essential to our story…our adoption counselor. I know, I know…you might have expected that I say it was my mother or my husband or even my best friend, and although each of those people was important, our counselor was the one person I needed the most throughout our adoption process.

We found our counselor before we found the agency through a recommendation of someone who knew our story. Coming from the other side of an adoption as a birth mother, she couldn’t say enough about the woman who eventually became our own counselor–representing us…the adoptive parents…and that spoke volumes to me. 

Upon our first conversation, we instantly connected. She took a sincere interest in us and our desire to start our family. She was kind, loving, supportive, understanding, and loyal. She never wavered on any point from being our number one support figure, regardless of what we faced. When we had news…she was the one who brought it to us…not only did she deliver the news, she celebrated with us, she laughed  and cried with us. When I didn’t have answers, she helped me find them through research, learning from others who had experienced a given situation, and introducing what she found to us. She was inspirational, supportive, kind…everything that I needed…as I needed it and whenever I needed it. She became a member of our family too.

Looking back on the beginning of our adoption story, so many people played important support roles in it but hers was the strongest of them all. Although she’d walked this line with many other families before ours, she always made time for me whenever I needed her advice, support, help, her shoulder, or her ear. She was my rock when I needed one; she was my friend when I needed that; she was my confident when I struggled, and my counselor when I was weak. She was my inspiration and my cheer squad, my support beam and my favorite blanket all rolled up into one. She was always true to herself and always loyal to me. Everyone is deserving of their own angel, I was truly blessed to have been lead to mine.

Almost 13 years later, we still keep in touch. I know her family and she knows mine…not just the family she helped to create…but my parents, my friends, my extended family and I know her parents, her brother, her friends and her own family. We have become intertwined in each other’s lives. Who would have ever guessed?

They say that people come in and go out of our lives. Some people stay for just a short while, and others stay around for the long term; I’ve been so blessed to find someone who continues to walk by my side and continues to be a part of our story, and I still call her friend.

The post The One Person I Needed in Our Adoption appeared first on Adoption Voices | Quotes, Stories, Process, Adopt a baby.